Revised: Family Secrets--Complete
by ladyfiery
Summary: A box of photos proves to be a Pandora's box for Amanda.
1. Default Chapter

Title:  Family Secrets (Revised)

Author:  Robin [ladyfiery@hotmail.com][1]

Summary:  A box of photos proves to be a Pandora's box for Amanda.

Rating:  I would think PG, but it may be PG13 because of themes, such as guilt and death.  Did I ever mention how much I hate giving something a rating?  I stink at it. :) I usually go for better safe than sorry.

Note:  This is a revised edition.  It has appeared earlier on this site.  Hopefully, this version is a little smoother--especially with grammar and spelling. :)

Thanks:  To everyone who gave me in-depth feedback when I first posted this story.  Hopefully, I did make it a better story with your help.  If not, the fault is all mine.

Disclaimer:  Why do I always want to forget this thing?  I don't own them.  I don't try to make money with them.  I simply play with them nicely and return them to the owners as good as new when I'm finished. :)

SMKSMK--signals flashbacks

***--signals transitions

***

She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was one of Freddy Kruger's victims.  She had been yanked into a nightmare world where fact and fantasy intertwine in an effort to drive her mad.  It was the only logical explanation.  She was having a nightmare.  It was not, could not, be real.  It would disappear as soon as she opened her eyes.

Wincing, she rubbed her arm.  The pinch had not worked.  She was still lost in a strange world.  She would just have to accept that was indeed wide-awake, sitting on her own couch, on her first day off in almost a month.  She was supposed to be spring-cleaning.  She looked like she was supposed to be spring-cleaning.  She was wearing a hideous t-shirt--stretched and thinned from multiple wearings and washings--and her hair was piled on top of her head in an unappealing ponytail. 

Her mother even looked ready, for goodness sakes!  Well, Dotty's hair was still perfectly arranged from where she had prepared for their earlier luncheon date, but her clothes, including her apron, said cleaning day.

Doctor Smyth, on the other hand, looked as calm and collected as always.  There was not a wrinkle anywhere on his expensive suit.  There was not a speck of lint that could be seen by the human eye.  Amanda doubted that she could find one if she had a magnifying glass.  His hair, as always, was perfectly cut.  It had even returned to its usual style after he ran his hands through it after only seconds of being in disarray!  He probably spent more on a haircut than what she spent feeding her family for a week.

Of course, Doctor Smyth was not really in her living room.  He was a part of her odd nightmare, the one that would soon go away, pinch not withstanding.  Because, if Amanda accepted that he was here, then she would have to accept that it was him having the ever-increasing-in-volume argument with her mother.  And, if he were having a fight with her mother, than Amanda would have to accept that Dotty and Doctor Smyth were--

No.  Definitely not.  He was not in this house.  Freddy should be showing up at any minute to take care of the problem.

The loud ring of the front door bell filled the room, making Amanda jump.  The two verbal boxers did not even show a sign that they heard it.  They continued to fight instead going to their respective corners.

Smiling at the two people who were too engrossed to notice her, Amanda went to answer the door, wondering if maybe she was dreaming a polite version of the serial killer.  No, instead it was her husband, arriving extremely early for dinner.

Lee quickly lost his grin when he heard the yelling voices coming from inside the house.  He tried to look over her shoulder.  Pointing his finger, he began to ask, "Wh--"

She grabbed his arm and dragged him into the house.  She slammed the door behind him, as if the entire neighborhood could hear the warfare happening inside her home.  "You tried to warn me!"

His frown grew.  His eyebrows twisted in confusion.  "Warn you?"

Nodding, she looked in the general direction of the angry voices.  "Yes, you told me that looking at pictures that weren't mine was a dangerous pastime."

Amanda could see that he was having a hard time focusing on her, although he was trying.  "What are--Oh!"  He laughed softly.  "Amanda, I was joking."

The look she gave made him take a step back.  Shaking her head, she turned and walked into her family room.  Lee followed, knocking into her when he saw the two people standing in the middle of the room.  "Amanda," he whispered, even though he would have had to use a megaphone to talk loud enough for Dotty or Doctor Smyth to hear him.  "That's Doctor Smyth."

Sighing, Amanda nodded.  "I know."

"--wasn't like I planned it!"  Doctor Smyth was shouting, honestly shouting.  And turning red.  Amanda admitted, if only to herself, that she could find the scene amusing except for the fact he was fighting with her mother.  The man had always been so cold and emotionless at the Agency.  She had often doubted he had a heart--an honest-to-goodness-living Tin Man.  Now, he stood in her living room yelling as if he were the most passionate man in the world.

She could have even found her mother's reactions interesting--if she had not been arguing with Doctor Smyth.  Dotty had never been a woman to keep her opinions to herself, but she enjoyed the subtle hints and pouting of anger over screaming.  Except for today it seemed.  "Oh, you're entire life has been planned, Austin!  You don't take a breathe without it being on your calendar."

Amanda watched as her mother slowly regained control of herself.  Dotty's arms were crossed tightly across her chest as she took several deep breaths.  There was a hint of tears in her eyes.  From anger or pain, Amanda could not even guess.  "You made me a promise, Austin.  You stood in my living room that day, and _promised_ me that you wouldn't--" Taking a deep, shaky breath, Dotty turned and walked away without even glancing in Amanda's direction.

Doctor Smyth also did not bother to look at her or Lee as he walked past them.  A loud snap of the kitchen door let Amanda know that he was gone.  It was only then that Lee dared to speak again.  "Uh, Amanda why was Doctor Smyth here?"

Laughing in an effort to keep from crying, she sank back down onto her couch.  Leaning her head down into her upturned hands, she whispered, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Lee smiled as he slowly sat down beside her.  "Oh, I don't know.  I think I would believe anything Amanda Stetson told me."

She reached over to draw him closer.  Smiling, she softly kissed his lips.  Lee's moan made her small smile expand into a large grin.  They had been married for over six months, but there were still days that Amanda allowed herself to be amazed that this wonderful man had chosen to marry her.  Sometimes, not very often, she wondered if he would ever grow bored with her, but he showed her in so many different ways through out a day how much he loved her.  All of her fears were old and silly, and she knew it.

"Well, it all started last month when I started--or tried to start my spring cleaning--" Amanda said as she leaned back into his arms.   Just being with him made every muscle in her body relax.

"When you were in the attic and found that old box of Dotty's with those old, ripped photographs inside," Lee said, obviously remembering what she had said earlier about him warning her.  

She nodded, nibbling on her bottom lip.  "You told me it could be dangerous, but I thought my mother had a clean closet.  No skeletons.  I would have never thought--"

"_Your_ mother's got a secret?"  She smiled weakly at the note of disbelief in Lee's voice.  

"Why else do you think Dr. Smyth showed up to talk to her today?" she asked.  Lee's silence told her that she had made her point.  She began to tell her story again.

   [1]: mailto:ladyfiery@hotmail.com



	2. Chapter 2

SMKSMKSMKSMKSMK

Even though she was dressed for the job, Amanda sighed heavily.  Standing at the top of the stairs, looking around at the rooms that made up the top story of her home, she dreaded even beginning to clean them.  They usually seemed to be too few and too small, but today they seemed to be too big and too many.  She liked having a clean house, but spring-cleaning was a dirty job.  In her mind, she could hear Lee saying in his husky voice, "But somebody's got to do it."

She could remember standing in this hallway after she and Joe had agreed to divorce.  They had planned to tell the boys that night after dinner.  She cleaned for the entire day, scrubbing corners that never even seen light.  Thoughts of being alone, of being the only one responsible for herself and her children had almost overwhelmed her that day.

She had made it though.  More than made it.  She was a stronger, more confidante woman today than she had ever been.  Her income was now higher than Joe's.  Her sons were bright, intelligent, well-behaved--most of the time--boys.  One other thing was certain; working at the Agency had made her a more efficient housekeeper.  

As she began to be trusted more, as she did more with Lee, the lack of time had forced her to delegate responsibilities to the boys.  Seeing the stress on her daughter's face had encouraged Dotty to finally get her driver's license, and she had taken over the job of shopping for the family.  Even spring-cleaning was now easier for Amanda.  The boys already knew that this weekend was reserved for cleaning their rooms from top to bottom, and they had lists throughout the year to handle chores that had only been done once a year when they were younger.

The boys, with Dotty's help, would also be doing the curtains and outside windows this weekend.  Amanda did not have to worry about those jobs; she just had to decide which room to begin cleaning.  The bathroom was the smallest, and Dotty hated cleaning it . . ..

She looked up at the ceiling.  The attic, full of its numerous boxes, was another room that her mother hated dealing with, to the point it was a family joke.  Recalling all the times Dotty had helped her since the divorce decided the issue for Amanda.  While her mother was out today, she would clean the attic.  Dotty would not even have to see it this year.

An hour later, Amanda began wondering how they usually managed to clean it in half-an-hour.  Wiping the dust from her nose, she walked over to the far corner that held all of Dotty's boxes.  No one except Dotty dared to touch them, but they did need to be dusted and swept around.  Her experienced hands made short work of the dusting, but when she moved the broom around the far corner of the pile, she knocked over a small shoebox that she had not even noticed before.

Pictures scattered across the floor, and Amanda winced as she squatted down to pick them up.  She tossed in a handful of photos without even looking at them.  The second batch stayed in her hands.  Lifting them up so she could see them better in the weak light, she realized what she was holding in her hands.  They were her mother's wedding photographs.  All of them were ripped.

She gathered them back into the box and went downstairs to the kitchen table.  There, she tried to fit some of them together, but all had a missing piece.  She quickly looked through them.  Every photograph had been taken at her parents' wedding.  Amanda had seen a few photos from that day, but she assumed that they had been unable to afford many since there were so few.  Even as a young girl, she had found it sad that Dotty did not have a single photograph of her as a blushing bride with her parents.  

Amanda kept looking back to the photographs of the entire wedding party.  Someone had been ripped from each photograph.  From the unknown person's location in the group photo, she thought it had to have been the best man.

Thinking about all of the stories she had heard about her parents' wedding, she realized that she could not remember having even heard the best man's name.  Not once.  Which was amazing, considering all the various other small disasters that had everyone seemed to have that day.  Dotty's matron-of-honor still blushed at the retelling of how she passed out into the cake.  No stories, funny or otherwise, had been shared about the man her father had considered so important in his life that day.

The shrill ring of the telephone startled her.  Reaching over to answer it, she had a strong suspicion that she knew who would be on the other end.  She could be wrong--after all, the hour was prime time for phone solicitors--but she doubted it.  "Hello, Amanda," his voice said into her ear.

Her toes curled at the sound.  Everything about the man, even almost six months after their marriage, still excited her.  She had expected it would be this way.  She expected he would still have the same effect on her in 50 years.

What amazed them both in some ways was Lee's response to the marriage.  Although they had never discussed, they both had fears when they entered their marriage.  It was not so much that marriage itself frightened them.  Change did.  

However, Lee was becoming more domesticated by the day.  Amanda had watched him become more relaxed, had seen the fear leave his eyes as time passed.  Both of them had had a small, nagging fear that a relaxed Lee would be too different, too boring.  Instead, they had found that they appreciated the movies watched curled up on the couch together just as much after the wedding ring as they did before, and that a domesticated Lee was just as exciting, if not more so, than a wild one.

"I thought you were going to call me later tonight," she said, a note of teasing in her voice.  Even when they agreed to a day of no contact, Amanda had known that one of them would eventually give in and call the other.  

Lee's laugh was low.  Her toes curled even tighter at the sound.  "And I was doing a very good job of waiting."   Amanda's laughter filled her kitchen.  The thought of a patient Lee Stetson was amusing.  "Well, maybe not a good job," his embarrassed voice admitted over the phone.  "But I was waiting.  Unfortunately, I'm not calling to talk."

She groaned, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading.  "Lee, this if the first day I've had off in a month--"

"I know.  I know, but Billy's asking for you to come in, because Green's just been spotted at--"

"Green?  He's daring to show his face again?" 

Lee laughed at the amazement in her voice.  "No one ever accused the man of great intelligence, Amanda."  Looking over at the photos, she sighed.  "Amanda," he said, "I'm sorry to interrupt your day of cleaning with your Mother."  

He knew how much she had been looking forward to the time spent with Dotty.  They both had had so little time for anything outside of the Agency recently.  Amanda sighed.  "Mother's not here.  Aunt Katherine called, so she went out to lunch with her."

Silenced hummed over the telephone line for several seconds.  "Aunt Katherine?  Isn't that your father's sister, the one that lives in Germany?"

"Yeah, she called this morning and told that she was in and needed to talk to Mother.  I'm having lunch with her on Friday.  She's taking the boys out Friday night, and eating with us all on Saturday night."  Katherine always made sure to spend individual time with everyone as well as with the family as a whole.

Amanda started putting the scattered photos back into the box.  "I've been cleaning all by myself."

Lee's smile was obvious to his wife, even if she could not see him.  "Sorry I wasn't there to help."

She returned his unseen smile, knowing that they would have gotten little cleaning done if he had been here.  They would have spent the entire morning in the bedroom.  "I am, too, Stetson.  Just wait to next spring."

"Spring cleaning?  Me?  Never!" he mocked.  At one time in his life, he would have been serious.  Lee Stetson of four years ago might have hired someone to clean for him, but he would have never done the job himself.

"Don't knock it until you try it," she said as she laughed.  She looked at the box sitting on her table.  "You can never tell what mysteries you may encounter."

"Oh, I don't know," he answered.  "I still remember that strange unidentified object we found in my refrigerator."

Amanda shuddered at the memory.  "Fortunately, mine is just a box of photos."

"Photos?"  Even after all this time, she could still confuse him with her line of thinking.

"I was cleaning the attic," she told him, playing with the lid of her box.  "When I knocked over a box and photographs spilled out of it.  Photos from my parents' wedding."

"Amanda," his gentle voice said,  "I think you've been in the spy business too long.  Try as she might, your mother cannot put out every photograph that she has."

Lee had always been amazed at the number of photographs her family had.  Amanda was sad at the scarcity of photos he had.  She had never seen a candid shot of young Lee Stetson after the age of four.  There were some school photos, some team photos, and little else after he went to live with the Colonel.  

Dotty loved photographs of her daughter and grandchildren.  Most of her photos of Carl West were hidden away, an effort to hide from the pain of seeing his smiling face.  Even today, Dotty had a hard time looking at pictures of her beloved husband.  "No," Amanda agreed, "but she doesn't usually rip someone out of them, either."

"What?"  Lee was often amused, but seldom surprised by, the actions of his mother-in-law.  He had watched, and heard about her, for years before they met.

Wishing she could find humor in Lee's shock, Amanda sighed.  Then, she nibbled on her lip.  "She deliberately with through all these photos-- which _I've_ never seen--and ripped someone--the best man I think--out of every one."

Lee's reply was mixed seriousness and teasing.  "You know, Amanda, looking at someone else's photos is dangerous business."

"Oh, come on--"

"I'm serious.  You might find something out that you don't want to know.  You don't know what deep and dark secret your mother might be hiding."

Amanda heard the warning, but she had a hard time taking it seriously.  Her mother would never hide anything important.  She suspected that the best man ended up being a jerk, probably hurting her father in some way.  Her mother, in a fit of anger, tore of him out of every photo.  Later, she could not bear to part with the photos and it would be too humiliating to show them to anyone.  That was why they were hidden away in the box.  The idea of Dotty West having a secret was ludicrous.  Her smile was tired and worried, but it was a smile.  "It'll take me about an hour to get dressed."

"I'll be there to pick you up."  A quick goodbye and he was gone.  Amanda stared at the box, wondering what to do.  Shaking her head, she grabbed it back up and took it back to the attic.  She didn't have the time to deal with it now, but she would make sure to ask her mother about them later.  She wanted to know about this mysterious best man.

****

Green was having fun with Lee and Amanda chasing after him.  They had followed up on so many false leads, they both felt like screaming.  However, Amanda refused to even consider canceling her luncheon date with Aunt Katherine.  Lee would not hear of it either.

She had seen little of her Aunt Katherine since the woman moved to Germany, but she had many fond memories of her.  The vivacious woman stood out in a family of staid Wests.  Her brother, Amanda's father, had also been different with his wonderful sense of humor.  However, he had been quieter than his sister.

Katherine West had also been so different from any woman Amanda had met as a child.  Instead of being married and having children, she was off dating and trying new adventures.  Amanda had treasured the post cards from Lake Tahoe and the Grand Cannon and other places that had seemed so far away and so mysterious to the child she had been.  Katherine had always brought something different with her when she visited.

Leaning back into her chair after finishing a way-too-fattening desert, Amanda had to admit that Aunt Katherine looked good.  She hoped she would look half-as-good when she reached the older lady's age.  Katherine's eyes had kept their youthful sparkle, and that restless energy that had made her so different was still evident in the way she held her body.

Katherine smiled as their waiter filled her wine glass.  "So, has Dotty managed to keep the news to herself?"

Amanda snorted when she remembered Dotty's near slip that morning.  Her poor mother had looked as if she was about to bite her own tongue in two, but she had managed to not say anything about Katherine.  "She's been anxious to say something for the last two days, but she kept it all to herself."   

She leaned forward, resting her arms lightly on the table.  "So, what's the big news?  Are you finally getting married?"

Aunt Katherine's laughter filled the restaurant.  Amanda noticed a few people looking in their direction, but most were smiling.  Katherine's laughter was one of pure joy.  "Me?  Married?  Please, Amanda, you know me better than that!  I have too much fun looking to ever stay with just one."

It was then that Amanda noticed how much Katherine reminded her of Lee, the old Lee.  She acted as if she enjoyed being a loner, but there was a sense that she was running from something instead of towards it.  Unlike Lee, she had had a happy home life with two loving parents.  Amanda silently laughed at herself for even making the comparison.  The two of them were nothing alike.

"Okay, so tell me your news," Amanda urged.  She knew from Dotty's recent excitement that it had to be good.

"I'm moving back home."  Katherine leaned back and grinned as she waited for the response.  

Amanda's jaw dropped open.  She could not believe her ears.  "You're moving to Arlington?"

"Well, D.C. actually, but I thought it was close enough."  The patrons of the restaurant looked back over in their direction when Amanda squealed in delight.

****


	3. Chapter 3

"Shouldn't you be at work?"  Dotty asked when she spotted her daughter sitting on the couch.

Amanda smiled and shook her head.  After a month of being led on a merry chase by Green, the hunt was over.  At the Agency, they should be in the process of finishing his interrogation.  Then, Lee and a few other agents would be taking him over to the airport to catch his ride out of the United States.  Guilt nagged at her.  Duty demanded that she should be there, but Billy and Lee both had insisted that she take the day off.  She was not needed to hound Green or to see him off their home turf.

"No, we got the film done last night.  Needs a few more minor cuts, but Lee said he would handle those," Amanda answered.  Lying about what she did for a living came so easy to her now.

"Really?"  Dotty's excitement screamed out from that one word.  The smile on her face warmed Amanda's heart.  She had had so little time for her family lately.  What little she had had, she spent with the boys.

"Yes, really," Amanda answered with a laugh.  "I thought I would help you finish up the spring cleaning.  I know you and the boys have done most of it, but I really wanted to help."

Dotty brought over to steaming cups of coffee.  Amanda moaned as she wrapped her hands around the mug.  Lately, she had been quickly drinking her coffee as she finished getting ready.  To be able to sit around and sip it was a luxury.

"You work too hard, Amanda," Dotty said as she sat next to her on the couch.

"I know, Mother, but I really like the work," she answered.  At least she could be truthful about that part.

Dotty looked at her for several seconds.  She studied Amanda, as if seeking an answer to unasked question.  "Yes, I know.  I can see how much you love it.  I just wish you didn't have to work so hard."

"It should be calmed down again.  Most of our deadlines are being met, and I think Lee and I should be having less workload," Amanda shared after taking a sip of her coffee.

"Good, it will be nice having more of you around--and Lee, of course."  Amanda noticed that her mother's gaze was remaining on her own coffee, as if she were a tealeaf reader.  Or a coffee ground reader, she thought.  She barely hid her smile.

"We are looking forward to spending more time here," she admitted.  "We are going out to dinner and a movie tonight."

"You should eat dinner here with us," Dotty said, finally looking up from her coffee.  "I know the boys would love having you both here, and I would, too."

Amanda played with her necklace, knowing it was true.  She had not even considered the idea until Dotty mentioned it.  She sighed.  When she had been married to Joe, she had learned that it was hard being a wife and a mother.  At least then, the roles had partially overlapped.  Unfortunately, being a wife to Lee often seemed to be in conflict with her role as mother.

"You're right.  I'll call Lee and ask him to come over for dinner."  She shook her head.  "I don't know why I didn't think of it.  He's been wanting to see the boys."

"Yes, he has.  He called them last night."  Dotty stood up from the couch and walked over to look out the French doors.

Amanda tried to remember Lee calling the boys.  They had been so busy with everything finally coming together about Green.  "He did?"

"Yes, Amanda, he did."  Her mother was silent for a few heartbeats.  "He has been in better contact with your family recently than you have.  He's taking the boys out to the ballgame Saturday."

Amanda winced as she remembered Lee talking about the idea with her several weeks before.  He had been busy building his relationship with the boys and Dotty.  She had been aware of it, but she had been too busy focusing on her job recently.  She wanted to show everyone that she was more than a housewife who had ridden Lee's coattails.  Maybe she had been trying too hard.

"I know.  I'm sorry," she admitted.  Why had she been so oblivious to her sons, her husband, and her mother?

Dotty smiled.  "I'm sorry, too.  Lee told us you were up for a promotion, and that you were really working hard.  The boys understood.  I did, too.  Or thought I did.  I just miss having you around."

Amanda looked around her home, seeing subtle changes to it that she had not noticed.  Pictures had been moved.  Some more had been added.  Life had continued in the King household, even with the lack of her participation.  Jamie's report card had been tacked on the refrigerator for her to see last night; a note saying that Philip had to pay an overdue library fine before receiving his was right next to it.  "I miss being around."

Dotty turned her attention back to the view outside the doors.  "It's what I'm going to miss the most when you and Lee get married."

"What?"  Amanda stood up and walked over to where Dotty was standing.

Dotty held up her hand.  "Don't bother denying that it is getting serious.  I know better.  I know you better.  He's the one."

Amanda grinned and looked down at her feet.  "Yeah, he's very special.  I'm not talking about the getting married part.  I think Lee and I will one day.  But why would you miss spending time with me if we did?"

Dotty took her last drink of coffee before answering.  "Amanda, Lee's not going to want your mother around when he moves in here."

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise.  "Why not?"

"Why not?"  Dotty laughed.  "Amanda, he's not going to want his mother-in-law living with him when he gets married, and I don't blame him.  I suffered through it myself, and I loved her.  I couldn't stand living with her."

She could vaguely remember her Grandmother West living with them when she was younger.  It had only been six months or so while her new home was being built.  The old family home had been burned to the ground by a Christmas tree fire.  She remembered finding her mother crying a few months later, and the whispered arguments that her parents had tried so hard to hide from her.  Grandmother West had disagreed with many of Dotty's habits when it came to housekeeping, and she had shared many suggestions.  It had not been a happy time for anyone in the West Household.

"While we've never discussed it, I do think Lee would be happy for you to keep living with us.  You've been a great help with the boys, and he knows it.  And he likes having a mother around, I think.  He likes spoiling you," Amanda said, remembering the bottle of expensive perfume and the dozen roses Dotty had received for Mother's Day.

Dotty's smile told Amanda that she was thinking about last Mother's Day, too.  "He does do that."

"Well, he's never had a mother of his own to spoil--"

"What do you mean?"  Dotty stopped in the middle of walking back to the couch.  She turned to look back at her daughter.

Amanda stopped walking, too.  "I thought you knew?"  Dotty shook her head.  "Lee lost both his parents in a car accident when he was a little boy.  He grew up with his uncle, a Colonel in the Air Force."

Dotty sank down onto the couch.  "You never told me.  I knew he didn't have any family that he usually spent Christmas with, but--"

Amanda shook her head, realizing how little she had shared about her relationship with Lee.  It was hard to differentiate between the personal and the professional.  Keeping secrets was getting to be a bad habit of hers.  "I've never really told you about Lee have I?"

Silence filled the room.  Then, finally, "No, you haven't.  I know you are crazy about him.  I know he's crazy about you.  I know he's a good man, and I know you work with him.  Most of that I know from watching you two together."

Amanda reached out her hand for Dotty's empty coffee mug.  "Why don't I go pour us some more coffee?  Then, we can sit back and talk until we go over to Aunt Katherine's.  I called her earlier, and she said it would be fine for me to join you for lunch--if that is okay with you?"

Dotty smiled and handed over her cup.  "Sounds good to me."

"Me, too."

****

"That chicken casserole was wonderful, Aunt Katherine!  You are going to have to give me the recipe," a much-too-full Amanda said as she helped clear the table.

"Oh, yes," Dotty agreed.  "That was wonderful, Katherine."

"Oh, you are going to die when you see how simple it is," Katherine told them as she pulled out a tray from a half-unpacked box that was sitting on the counter.

Dotty and Amanda both laughed.  "No, I won't," Dotty replied as she set her pile into the sink.  "I know how little you like to cook."  

Aunt Katherine's laugh acknowledged the truth of the statement.  "And how poorly I do it!"

"I didn't say that," Dotty started to protest.

Katherine shook her head.  "_You_ didn't have, too!  That brother of mine always made sure I knew how bad I was at cooking."

Dotty stood up straight.  "Carl didn't!"

Katherine laughed as she turned on the coffee pot.  "Oh, Dotty, you know how brothers love to torment their younger siblings."

Amanda laughed as she walked passed them.  "Mother, you learned that from watching the boys!"

She turned around to look when there was no answering laughter.  Dotty and Katherine both had an odd look on their face, but then her mother laughed.  "Yes, but I learned about sibling torment from home!"

Katherine turned away before Amanda could ask her about the strange look on her face.  "Why don't you two go into the den while I make us some coffee?"

Dotty shook her head.  "I remember the last cup of coffee I had from you.  I'll make the coffee.  Amanda, go and have a seat.  It's your day off."

She started to protest and then noticed the stubborn set to her mother's mouth.  It would be easier to do what she was told; if she fought it, she would still lose and end up sitting in the den waiting for the coffee to be made.  Sometimes it was just easier to skip the battle.

"Ignore the mess!"  Aunt Katherine called out after her.  Looking around the immaculate room, she wondered what mess her aunt had been referring to and decided that the three boxes neatly piled in the corner must be it.  Amanda thought of her own house.  The spring-cleaning was almost done.  After lunch, she and Dotty would finish the few remaining items.  She had been little help to Dotty and the boys this year.  They had basically done it all without her.  It made her sad for a moment, but she knew it was a part of the life she had chosen to live.

Glancing down at the boxes, she spotted the edge of a photo album lying in it.  She had never seen it before.  She had never been to her aunt's home before today.  Even when they had visited Germany, they had not seen Aunt Katherine.  She had been out of the country during their entire visit.  Her work with imports and exports kept her traveling most of the time.  Generally, Aunt Katherine had to contact them.

Amanda reached down and pulled out the photo album that was on top.  It was the oldest one from the look of the binder.  It showed the most wear.  Smiling, Amanda opened the album.  Her smile grew larger when she saw that the first picture of her father.  She reached up to gently trace over his familiar grin.  She missed his smile almost more than anything else.  When her dad had smiled, everything had been right in her world.

She almost laughed when she noticed he was wearing a leather jacket and sitting on a motorcycle.  She could vaguely remember him wearing blue jeans, but that had been on rare occasions.  He had been a suit and tie man.  Dressing down had been slacks and a button shirt.

Amanda realized how little she knew about her dad, but she knew him so well.  The man he was had influenced the woman she was today.  He had been a hands-on father.  He loved her, and he always took the time to show her.  However, there was so much she did not know.  Looking down at the picture, she decided to ask her Aunt Katherine some questions.  It would be fun to hear stories about him as a child.  Dotty seldom talked about him.  She had hardly mentioned his name since his death.  The few times she had over the years had been special to Amanda.

Slowly flipping through the worn pages, she found wedding pictures.  They were the same ones she had found in a box a month before, but they were whole.  No jagged edges from someone being ripped from them.  She studied the man standing beside her father, trying to find the reason Dotty would have felt such anger towards the man.  He looked as if he were a kind man.  The smile on his face was genuine and huge.  Of course, it did not have a cigarette--a cigarette?

"Doctor Smyth?" she heard herself saying.

"How do you know that name?"  Amanda started at the anger in her mother's voice.  She turned to see horror on Aunt Katherine's face and a cold rage that she had never seen before on Dotty's.  "How do you know him, Amanda?"  Dotty demanded.  Amanda, for one of the few times in her life, found herself speechless.

SMKSMKSMKSMKSMK


	4. Chapter 4

"Wait a minute," Lee interrupted.  "You're saying that your mother knows Doctor Smyth?"

Amanda looked at him strangely for a minute.  Then, she laughed.  Lee shivered when he heard the note of hysteria.  "You could say that, Lee.  She knows him.  Very well, I would think.  So does Aunt Katherine."

"How?"  Lee shook his head.  Dotty knowing Doctor Smyth was unbelievable.  Who would have thought a suburban housewife would have ties to the Agency?  He looked over at his wife and partner, a former suburban housewife, and decided to hear the rest of the story.  "He was your father's best man?  That doesn't sound like the Doctor Smyth you and I know and, uh, don't like."

She leaned into his arms instead of answering.  He held her, understanding that she needed his physical support more now than she needed interrogation.  He leaned back on the couch to make himself a more comfortable pillow.  His wife's arms tightened around him and then relaxed.  "I wish you could have seen the pictures, Lee.  Doctor Smyth looked happy, really happy.  He was _laughing_."

Lee tried to picture a happy Doctor Smyth.  Then, he tried to imagine a smiling Doctor Smyth.  His imagination was not that good.  "So, they knew him through your father?"

Shaking her head, his wife sat up.  "No, Lee.  Not really."  She took a deep breath and started telling her story again.  "I was standing there, holding the photo album, and totally speechless.  I tried to gather my thoughts when . . ."

SMKSMKSMKSMKSMK

"Are you a spy, Amanda?"  She gasped at the question.  After all the years of being prepared to answer it, she was totally unprepared to do so now.  How was it that Dotty had managed to ignore all the signs before today, but the mere mention of the head of the Agency's name told her everything?

"Dotty--" Aunt Katherine began.

"Don't" was all her mother said.  Crossing her arms tightly, Dotty stormed over to where her daughter stood in shock.  She demanded an answer to her question.  Amanda answered with the only brilliant response she could think of:  "Yes."

"That son of a--" Dotty's mouth snapped closed before she finished the sentiment, but Amanda was amazed to hear her even begin it.  It was her _mother:  _She had not even talked about Mister Melrose in such a hateful way after the Stemwinder debacle.  Dotty turned on her heels and marched away as though she were a soldier preparing for battle.  

Katherine stepped in front of her sister-in-law.  "Dotty, you should--"

"What?"  Dotty snapped.  Her fists were tightly clenched by her side.  "Accept it?  Ignore it?  Like I've ignored the choice you've made with your life."  Dotty stepped closer to Katherine.  "Did you really think I didn't know, Katherine?  That I didn't recognize the signs?"  Amanda could hear the tears in her mother's voice.  They were almost totally hidden by the anger.

"I didn't agree with your choices, but they were your choices to make.  She is my daughter, and _he_ promised me.  I ignored all the signs that I knew _because_ I still had some faith in him.  Idiot that I am."

Aunt Katherine crossed her arms and looked down at her feet.  "Dotty, maybe you should ask him--"

"Ask him?"  Amanda shivered at the scorn in those words.  "Never!  I trusted him to at least respect my last request from him.  I should have known better.  Now, excuse me."  The sound of the door quietly closing behind Dotty sounded like the blast of a gun to Amanda's ears.

She looked back down at the pictures, the ones that had caused Dotty's fury to erupt.  She could not believe that the smiling man in the picture was the cold, distant one she usually saw in the hallway of the Agency.  She considered what everything meant, but her mind was a vortex of chaos.  She had heard her mother's words, but she wanted to ignore them.  "You are a spy," she finally said when she looked up again.

Aunt Katherine's lips tightened.  She walked around to sit the coffee tray on the table.  Then, she slowly sat down onto her couch.  Her eyes finally met Amanda's.  "We don't usually call ourselves that, but then you already know that, don't you?"

Amanda's shaking legs forced her to sit down.  She closed the album and almost threw it down on the table beside her.  She laid her head down on her crossed hands.  Finally, she looked back up to find Aunt Katherine offering a cup of coffee.  She reached for it with ice-cold hands.  "So, you're an intelligence operative?"

Aunt Katherine's laugh was soft.  "Yes, I am," she answered.  "I have been for a very long time."  She picked up her own cup of coffee.  The empty third cup seemed to bother her as much as it did Amanda.

"How?  When?"  She did not take a drink of coffee.  She simply held it in her hands, desperately needing its warmth.

Aunt Katherine took a slow sip of coffee before she answered.  "'How' was that I knew the right people and wanted to be one, and the 'when' is after your father died."

Amanda closed her eyes at the answers.  The question that came to mind was not the one she wanted to ask right now.  She did not think she could handle Aunt Katherine's response.  She asked a different one instead:  "You knew Doctor Smyth because he was my father's best friend."

Katherine looked down at her coffee cup for a long time before she answered.  "Yes," she finally said, but Amanda knew that it was not a complete answer.

Amanda looked down at her own coffee.  "And that's how mother knows him, too?"

The small clank of a cup being put down brought Amanda's attention back to her aunt.  "No," Katherine answered.  She stood and turned away, but not before Amanda noticed the tears streaming down her face.  It seemed very wrong to her that such a strong woman was in tears.  "I'm sorry, Amanda.  I knew that when I asked for reassignment here, I would have to tell you my secrets, but I never expected to have to tell you all your family secrets."

"Family secrets?"  Amanda's tongue worked over the words.  The idea was so foreign to her.  Before the Agency, her life had been as bland as rice pudding.  No deep dark secrets.  There had not even been shallow, light ones!

Katherine finally looked back at her.  Her face was an expressionless mask.  "I'm going to be at work tomorrow.  I hear you and Scarecrow are working the Q-bureau.  I'll come and see you in the morning.  Right now, I think you should call a cab and go after Dotty.  She needs you."

Amanda opened her mouth to protest, and then she saw Aunt Katherine's eyes.  She needed to be alone.  Her aunt wanted a chance to gather her own thoughts, too.  She nodded slowly, and then called for the cab.  The rest of the time she spent in that apartment was used to discuss the choices of décor her aunt had made.

****

When she finally made it home, she found Dotty dressed in her cleaning clothes with her head stuck in the refrigerator.  Amanda stood waiting for Dotty to say something, to acknowledge her in some way, but when Dotty rinsed out her rag and returned her head to the interior of the refrigerator, Amanda went upstairs to get in her old clothes.

She slowly got dressed in her jeans and T-shirt, and pulled her hair up and clipped it.  She thought about all the questions swirling in her mind, and all the answers she did not want to hear.  Amanda had accepted from the beginning that being a spy, that lying, would be a strain on her family.  She accepted it has a part of her life, a necessary evil.  Never had she considered the idea that Dotty might have her own secrets.  Standing in her bedroom, shivering in the warm air, Amanda remembered a dream she once had, where her mother and the boys had been agents, too.  She had never questioned it, never believed that there might be some truth in that flight of fantasy.

After sitting on her bed for almost an hour, gathering her courage, she stood and decided to face her mother.  The boys would be home just in time for dinner, since Joe was picking them up from school.  If they were going to have this confrontation, right now would be the best time.

Walking down the steps on weak legs, Amanda heard a voice she never expected to hear in her home.  And it was speaking in a way she never thought to hear anywhere.  Doctor Smyth was in her home.  And he was upset.  She turned the corner to see her mother standing toe to toe with the man.  Again, she questioned how the two could have even met, let alone know each other well.  They did know each other very well, Amanda knew.  Dotty was comfortable with Doctor Smyth, even though she was furious with him.  Doctor Smyth was letting Dotty see a part of himself that Amanda would never have believed existed.

"She's a damn fine agent!"  Amanda wished she was not feeling so stunned; she wanted to enjoy Doctor Smyth's compliment.

Dotty threw her arms up in exasperation.  "Oh, how like you, Austin!"  His name was Austin?  "I personally think she's a damn fine daughter and mother.  You always look at human beings as intelligence operatives and non-intelligence operatives."  As she sank down on the couch, Amanda admitted her mother had a point.

To her amazement, Doctor Smyth ran his hand through his hair.  He looked different with his hair lying in disarray across his forehead.  "I think she's a wonderful person, too, Dotty.  I believe she's done you and Carl both proud."

"If Carl were still here--"

Both of the contenders stayed silent for a moment.  "I think she's a fine niece, Dotty."

Amanda's jaw dropped open even further.  This man was her father's brother?  No, that did not make sense.  Katherine had said she knew him because she was her father's best friend.  She had hesitated, but Amanda doubted she would have lied to her about it.

"Life has always been so easy for you, Austin," her mother shouted.  "Why couldn't you respect one request?  One!"

Doctor Smyth sighed.  "I did not come her fight with you, Dotty.  I do not even want to go over all our old arguments, even the 'mother liked you best' one we have argued to the point of being ridiculous.  I came because I wanted to explain--"

Mother liked you best . . . An argument between siblings.  That would mean Doctor Smyth was Dotty's brother.  Amanda covered her ears, trying to hide from the argument.  If she thought her world had turned upside down before . . ..

She forced her hands down to her side.  She was not a child; she could handle this revelation.  She would.  Somehow.

Her life was a nightmare.  As she watched an argument that got louder and louder, she knew her life would never be the same again.

SMKSMKSMKSMKSMK

"And that is when you showed up," Amanda finished telling her husband, her head resting on his shoulder.

Lee sat, silently holding her for several minutes.  "You are saying that Doctor Smyth is--"

"My uncle.  Yes," she answered with a nod.  She did not blame him for asking the question.  She did not believe it either.

"I don't believe it," he said, running his hand through her hair.

She sat up and actually laughed.  "I know.  I don't either, for what it is worth."

He stood up and began to pace.  "Amanda, from what you said, it almost sounds like your father--"

"I know, Lee.  I know."  Putting her hand into her hands, she sighed.  "I believe I have not found out all my family secrets, yet."

*****


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Amanda approached the Agency with a great deal of trepidation.  Lee had offered to go in with her, but she refused.  As much as she wanted him with her, she knew she had to face this challenge alone.  He had some assignments to handle like she did, and it would do her no good if she acted like the frightened housewife she once had been.  It also helped knowing that she was not alone, even with Lee's absence.  She had made her own allies and contacts over the years, and Billy and Francine were close friends.  They would guard her back, even if they had no clue what was happening.

With a quickly remembered password, she was allowed into the deep recesses of the building.  Snuggling between two coats in the elevator, she thought about how life had changed over the years.  The mild sense of awe she had felt that first year had long since been replaced by nonchalant acceptance, something that was not sure she liked.  She refused to think about how much her life changed yesterday.  Maybe, if Dotty had been willing to talk to her . . ..

She immediately noticed the air of excitement in the bullpen.  Since it was not often this group of blasé spies was so excited, she speculated what had happened.  Looking over the faces of friends and co-workers, she knew it was not an emergency.  Their faces were too happy.  No one had the all-too-familiar pinched look of stress.

She smiled when she saw Francine rushing over towards her.  She would soon know what was happening.  Some things always remained the same; Francine would forever be the Agency's gossipmonger.

"Have you heard the news?"  Francine leaned forward in her excitement.  "Of course, you haven't.  You just got here, and Doctor Smyth only called and told Billy this morning."

Amanda smiled and leaned against one of the desks behind her.  "Good morning, Francine.  No, I haven't heard the news, but I bet you are going to tell me."

She saw the brief struggle Francine had with herself.  She wanted to walk away to prove a point, but she yearned to tell the information more.  Amanda briefly wondered how someone with such a large mouth became an intelligence operative.  Francine was a wonderful agent, and did a superior job, but Amanda did question if Francine sometimes felt like she was going crazy trying to hold in all the secrets she knew.

"One of our top operatives from Germany has transferred to DC.  The Duchess is a living legend in the intelligence community," Francine shared.  "She's in with Billy right now.  I think Scarecrow might have some competition now."

Amanda felt her face stiffen at the news.  She had known the news, or at least a part of it.  Aunt Katherine was the Duchess!  Truly amazing in so many ways, it was.  Knowing that her aunt worked for the Agency was shocking, but to find out she was one of the best . . ..  Even when she had been little more than a clerk that Lee reluctantly took with him on some cases, she had heard whispers of the woman.  The codename did not fit her.  Regal and aloof is what came to mind when Amanda thought of a Duchess, not laughing and friendly.

"Oh, don't take it so serious, Amanda!  I was only joking," Francine snapped, dragging Amanda's attention back to her.  She realized that Francine thought she was upset by her comment about Lee's competition.  She tried to find the words to explain, but she failed.  Instead, she shook her head, and stared over at Billy's office.

Billy's door opened as if on command.  Katherine and Billy stepped out wearing large smiles.  Amanda watched as her co-workers surrounded the new agent to their field, noticing how at home Aunt Katherine looked.  She should have known.  After all, she felt at home in these walls now and the older woman had been doing the job for far longer than she had been.

After Francine received her introduction, it was Amanda's turn.  The two women stared at one another, unsure what to say or do.  Then, they laughed after Billy finished the introduction.  Amanda, when she tried to catch her breath, noticed the concern and confusion on her friends' faces.

"I'm so sorry about lunch," Amanda gasped.

Katherine, holding her sides, replied, "Don't worry about it.  You didn't know.  I should have told you at our first lunch like I had planned.  I chickened out, and it all exploded in my face."

Billy asked the question that everyone was wondering.  "You've worked together before?"

Katherine, shaking her head, smiled at him.  "No, and if Austin has his way, I doubt I'll be working with her much now."

"Austin?"  Francine's voice managed to sound both nosy and miffed.

"Doctor Smyth," Amanda answered without thinking.  When she saw the look on Francine's face, she realized what she had just revealed.  Even Billy seemed to be shocked--not so much from the name as from the fact she knew it.  He had probably been section chief before he had learned it.  Doctor Smyth enjoyed the distance he maintained from his field agents.  He liked being a distant god to so many of them, and Amanda had little doubt he liked being thought of that way.

Billy started to ask another question when Lee entered the bullpen.  Lee's gaze immediately rested on Amanda.  She could tell from the dark circles under his eyes that he had gotten up extremely early to handle his morning assignments.  He wanted to be here to support her.  If she had not already been madly in love with the man, she would be now.

She let him know with her eyes that everything was okay.  Smiling, he nodded and looked around the room.  Everything was really okay.  Surprises were commonplace in her life now--oh, this kind man is a spy, that neighbor sells guns after her club scout meetings, that normal lady over there is a princess, and that absolute sweetheart is a highly trained assassin.  Most of the surprises had not struck so close to home, but she would handle it and move along like she usually did.

"You must be the famous Scarecrow," Aunt Katherine's boisterous voice drawled.  She stepped out of the crowd surrounding her, reaching out her hand for Lee to shake.

Wearing a large smile on his face, Lee grabbed her hand and shook it.  "You must be Amanda's famous Aunt Katherine!"

"In the flesh, honey," she answered, shaking his hand.  "Amanda's told me a lot about you."

Amanda heard the gasps around her.  She had to admit it felt good to be the one with a surprise.  Everyone at the Agency had a tendency to view her as old, dependable Amanda.  There was one more secret she had to share today.  She felt anxious to see her husband's response.  "She's also the famous Duchess."

Lee's head whipped around to look at Amanda.  Then, he stared at Katherine.  "_You _are the Duchess?"

"In the flesh, honey!" she answered.  Her laughter filled the bullpen.

*****

Katherine and Amanda finally sat down in the Q-bureau with a cup of coffee.  It had been a long morning.  Amanda noticed that her husband was mysteriously absent from their office.  She would thank him later, in a special way, for giving her the time she needed alone with her aunt.

Sipping the warm liquid in her cup, Amanda struggled to find the words to express her thoughts.  They remained elusive as the truth did.  Finally, Aunt Katherine spoke.  "Just ask it, Amanda, and get it over with."

Taking a deep breath, Amanda forced out the words.  They seemed to stumble over one another in their effort to be spoken.  "Was my father a spy?"

Aunt Katherine looked at her for a minute, as if deciding what to say.  Amanda knew the look; she had become familiarly with it over the years since she started working for the Agency.  It said some information is "need-to-know" and the speaker was deciding what she "needed-to-know".  It was a part of her life that Amanda both accepted and resented.  

"Yes."

Amanda waited for Katherine to say more, but she realized that the lady was only going to answer specific questions.  Need to know.  She forced the tears back as she asked, "Was he killed in the line of duty?"

The same brief glance and Katherine again replied, "Yes."

Amanda wiped away at the few tears that slipped past her control.  She struggled to remain calm and professional.  "How?"

Katherine shook her head, and walked over to look out the window.  "I'm not going to answer that, Amanda.  You know that sometimes, some things are best left unsaid and unknown.  You've been in this business long enough to understand the truth in that.  Leave it be, please.  For your sake and Dotty's sake, just leave it be."

"Leave it be?"  Amanda exploded.  "How can I 'leave it be'?  My mother is furious at me.  I have an uncle whose existence I never even _suspected_.  How come?  Why did I never even meet him when I was a little girl?  Why--"

"Amanda," Katherine snapped.  "Trust me.  Some things are best left in the past."

Amanda studied the woman in front of her, the woman she thought she knew.  Aunt Katherine had always been the wild one, the free one.  Again, Amanda compared her to Lee, the one who had given her the package.  Like that Lee, she seemed to be a rolling stone, yelling its joy in its independence, because it was too afraid to let itself be vulnerable.  Was that the real reason her Aunt Katherine had never married?  Had she seen so much death and destruction at the Agency that she was afraid to love?

Sitting at her desk, looking at the proud woman standing in front of her, Amanda considered what she was being asked to do.  A part of her urged her to agree.  She wanted to ignore the fact her father had been an agent.  She wanted to ignore the fact that her father had died in the line of duty.  She wanted to ignore the truth.  Like a woman with a toothache, she knew she would not stop probing at the problem until it was fixed.

"What about my mother?"  Dotty had not even left her room last night, or this morning.

Aunt Katherine sighed and rubbed her eyes at the question.  "Dotty managed to ignore my career choice for nearly twenty years.  She'll ignore yours, too."

Amanda was not so sure of that fact, but she decided to try it first.  She needed the time to think, to feel, to gather her thoughts and sort through them.  "I cannot promise that I'll ignore it, Aunt Katherine, but I'll try."

Nodding, Katherine managed a weak smile.  "You're very much like your father in that way; he did not like to be left in the dark, either.  Now, don't worry about Dotty.  She'll be fine.  I promise."

*****

In Arlington, a woman sorts through a box she swore she would never touch again except to destroy it.  Inside she finds the dusty address book she had been hunting for all afternoon.  Unfortunately, crying fits had stopped her from finding it quickly.  Before she lost her courage, she raced downstairs.  She found the number she needed and dialed, praying it had not been changed.

Even after two decades of absence, she recognized the voice.  It was a warm, friendly voice, a voice that she had often missed over the years.  The person behind that voice was one of the casualties of her long-ago decision, and she often wished that she had been somehow been able to maintain the friendship.  "Julie, it's me."

"Dotty?"  Julie knew her voice after all these years, too.  "Oh, my God!  How are you?"

She found herself smiling, in spite of the pain.  "I'm not doing well, Julie.  I found out about Amanda yesterday."  She knew she did not have to explain.  "I had a loud row with Austin."  She did not have to tell that to Julie; Austin would have told her yesterday.

"The old agents always have a much better feel of the pulse of the intelligence community than we new ones do," Carl once said to her.  His co-workers were now the ones in the know; he would have been in the know if he had lived.

"I'd like a report on Amanda and on Lee Stetson."

"Dotty--"

"Please."  The silence gave her the answer.  "Please, do it as if they are getting new security checks."

A soft laugh came across the telephone lines.  "They are high enough to be under constant scrutiny."

"Please," was all she could say.

A small sigh and a friendly, "It'll take me a couple of days," managed to bring another small smile to the lips of the woman in Arlington.  With a sad "Thank you," she hung up, knowing they would know where to send the information.

As if in a trance, she slowly began flipping the pages of her old address book.  She noticed names of men and women that she had almost managed to forget.  She saw some that were long dead; she had noticed their obituaries in the papers and wondered if they were full of lies.  Names of old friends jumped up off the page and condemned her for ignoring their friendship.

As she had done years before, she closed her eyes and laid her head over crossed arms.  The address book's paper crackled under her elbows as she began to sob.  She had lost her life once before; now, she was losing it again.

*****


	6. Chapter 6

She stopped in mid-step when she noticed the man standing by the window.  It was not often that those who worked at the Agency was given a chance to see their aloof leader, and even fewer of them found him waiting in their office.  Unfortunately, she had managed to meet the man far too many times for her liking, and now he was waiting in the Q-bureau.  Since Lee was to be out all day doing light surveillance with Aunt Katherine, he must be waiting for her.

"I'm not sure I can handle this right now," she said as she shut the door behind her.

To her amazement, she saw the ghost of a smile cross Doctor Smyth's lips.  "I know the last few days must have been difficult for you.  My sister has a remarkable ability to make someone's life hell is she wants to do so."  

The muscles in Amanda's shoulders tensed; she did not like his comment about Dotty.  She was her mother.  Even if she had been making life . . . difficult for Amanda.  The boys were starting to question why their grandmother never left her room when Amanda was home.

"I was trying to joke, Amanda," Smyth said.  "Badly, I admit, but I was trying."  It sounded odd hearing her name from his lips.  It was even odder hearing him speak plainly--no quips or puns.  He was making himself human to her, and she was not sure she liked it.  Last week, she would have welcomed it, but last week, he had not been related to her.  Or, rather, she had not known he was.

He sat down in Lee's chair, and motioned for her to sit.  She debated whether to remain standing, and then decided to be an adult.  She slowly sat down in her chair, crossing her fingers in front of her.

He lit his cigarette.  Amanda almost told him to put it out, but she knew he had done it without thought.  He was nervous.  Doctor Smyth was nervous talking to her!  "I've been thinking," he said, looking anywhere but at her.  "Thinking about what to say to you, Mandy."  He stayed silent for a minute.  "If you want me to be honest--and I know you do--I've considered saying things to you ever since it was brought to my attention that you worked for us."

Amanda thought about what he was admitting.  "You didn't know at first?"

He shook his head, blowing out a ring of smoke.  "No, you somehow managed to by-pass all the strict clearance tests that someone as exposed to secrets as you should have been subjected to before they even began working here.  It was not until you were framed for being a plant, and given a complete background check, that you were brought to my attention.  I was . . . horrified.  I had promised Dotty that I would not recruit you, or even look in your direction when it came to the Agency."

The muted sound of two people walking by in the hall seemed loud in the quiet room.  "They had to ask questions about my father," Amanda realized.

Nodding, Doctor Smyth leaned back in the chair.  "Yes, they did, which set off more than a few alarms.  I made sure Carl's files were well protected, even from the Agency."

Amanda shook her head in sad amusement.  "My background check even has lies in it."

Doctor Smyth nodded and put out his cigarette in the dirt of one of Amanda's potted plants.  He threw the butt into the trashcan.  "The version Melrose and the others got, yes."

"There's another version?"  Amanda laughed.  "I don't know why that amazed me."

Doctor Smyth managed a full smile.  It looked odd on his face, but it reminded her of the smiling young man standing next to her father in old photographs.  "Yes, there are times even I am amazed by all the secrets in this business, Mandy."

"Why do you call me 'Mandy'?  I've never let anyone call me 'Mandy'," she told him.  Taking her hands off her desk, she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

"When you were little--when I knew you before--we all called you 'Mandy'."

Amanda took several seconds to digest that information.  "You were around when I was little?"

He turned to look out the window.  The way the sun was shining hid his face from her.  "Yes, I did.  We all did.  The community was very different then.  We all were friends as well as colleagues.  We went to each other's homes, and we went to their children's ballgames.  That was a long time ago.  Something happened that changed all that."

"I don't remember," she whispered.

"I know you don't, Amanda.  Your mother told me that you were upset about all your aunts and uncles--that's what you called all of us--were no longer coming to visit.  You stopped letting even them call you 'Mandy'."  He turned to look at her.  His face was carved in granite.

She shook her head.  She would not let him see her cry.  "I never knew why I hated that nickname so much."  She finally met his eyes.  "When I first started working for the Agency, I used to dream that I was a little girl down in the bullpen."

"We weren't located here then.  We weren't even a separate entity.  We were a little known, little discussed, department in a little warehouse." He shook his head.  "You and Dotty did come and visit Carl sometimes.  Maybe your little voice was trying to whisper something to you."

"And I ignored it," she said.  She wished Lee were there.  She could almost feel his arms surrounding her, hugging her close, and making her feel safe.  She wanted him beside her.  Together they were stronger than they were apart.  "I was too busy trying to be an agent to pay attention."

He leaned forward, suddenly looking very serious.  "I tried to stop you in many ways, Amanda.  I denied your request for raises, for training, for everything you richly deserved.  If it had been for Stemwider proving that I was not going to be rid of you . . . You were always going to find some dangerous assignment to involve yourself with, so I decided I would rather you do it as a trained operative."

Amanda started at the confession, but was not shocked by its substance.  Questions she had not even known to ask had been answered.  He had tried to discourage her from working in this profession.  Today, he had even managed to endear himself with his words; he obviously cared very much for his sister, even if they did not see each other.  "I'm surprised you did not keep an eye out on us after Dad died."

His silence made its own startling confession.  Amanda closed her eyes, wondering what his spies had seen over the years.  "How come you never knew about my working at the Agency until the background check?"

His frowned.  "The fool I had doing it began to do a very sloppy job.  He believed everything you were telling your mother, never bothering to check on any of it, or the people who dropped by your home."

Amanda thought of all the times Lee alone had been to her house that first year.  Francine had even been there once.  "Some bells would have been ringing if he had."

Doctor Smyth returned her smile.  "Yes, Amanda, there would have been.  Stetson alone would have rung bells loud enough to be heard across D.C."

She did not bother to ask what had happened to her one-time professional stalker.  Doctor Smyth was notorious for not suffering fools gladly.  A car beeped its horn as it drove past down below.  "Were you and my father really good friends?"

"Yes, Amanda, we were.  Carl was the best."  He played with a cigarette, caressing it with his fingers.  He did not light it.  "Carl and I went to school together.  When I took him home and introduced him to my sister, I lost a friend . . . and gained a brother-in-love that was closer than a brother.  Dotty used to tease me that I lost a place to eat when she married him.  I don't cook, and I used to be too poor to hire a cook.  I ate at their home many times.  Since my best friend was married to my sister, I could not alternate between their two homes.  However, Dotty loved cooking for us, and enjoyed having me over," he told her.  His eyes were out of focus.  "We had never been closer."

Amanda shifted uncomfortable in her chair.  He was becoming more and more human in front of her eyes.  "Mother said she met him at a party."

The grin on his face actually showed teeth.  The sight mesmerized Amanda.  "She did.  Our parents were gone for the weekend.  Went to celebrate their anniversary without us."

Her father wore a leather jacket, and her mother had parties when her parents were out of town.  "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'," he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.  "She walked in the door, and Carl immediately noticed her.  I had never seen him affected by a woman that way.  He promptly tried to ignore her.  An hour later, he was drunk enough to tell every woman at the party that he loved her."

Amanda remembered Dotty sharing the story.  "And Mother believed him."

Doctor Smyth thawed even more before her eyes.  His shoulder's relaxed.  His face melted into an easy smile.  He relaxed into the chair.  "Yes, she did.  And he did.  He loved her--madly.  I envied him.  She loved him as much as he loved her."

"How did he die?"  Amanda did not know who was more startled.  The part of her that demanded answers had forced the question past her lips.

"Let it be, Amanda.  Sometimes secrets, like spies, are best left hidden."  The ice-cold Smyth was back in a heartbeat.

Frustration became anger.  "Why?  Is it beyond my security clearance?"

Doctor Smyth stood and walked to the front of her desk.  Placing his hands flat on the desk, he leaned forward.  "As you know, now that you have been hired as a full-time operative, there is little that is beyond your clearance.  Scarecrow worked for years to get where he is, but you are close to him in clearance because we had to make it easy for you to work with him."  He stood and straightened his jacket.  "Leave it alone.  Some things are best left that way."

Amanda exhaled sharply, causing her bangs to flutter.  "I don't understand--"

He turned on his heels.  "You are both a parent and a spy now, Mandy.  I have to ask if you want Philip and Jamie to know everything."

Amanda leaned back and honestly about the question.  "Sometimes I wish they did.  I wish I could sit down and share some of my thoughts and feelings with them, because I know I have a smaller chance of coming home than their friends' mothers do, but they would wonder why I'm talking so strange."

He crossed his arms.  "But would you want them to know _everything_.  Do you want them to know every detail about every case?  Do you want them to know all about Lee's cases?"

Amanda thought about some of her actions.  She was not ashamed of a single one of them, but she doubted she wanted her boys to know them.  What would they say about her constant lying when she had raised them to believe lying was wrong?  Would they understand why she had helped the Agency track down their father when he had been accused of murder?  She had done it for Joe's benefit, but would it look that way on paper?  "I think so."

"But you are not sure?"  Doctor Smyth knew he had made his point.

"No," Amanda sighed.  "I am not a hundred percent sure, but I really think I would."

"Even if--" Doctor Smyth stopped himself, jerking back in surprise.  He about revealed something he had not wanted to, Amanda was certain.  She watched him take several deep breaths before he spoke again.  "Never mind.  I dropped by today to see if you wanted to go with me to speak to Dotty.  Katherine mentioned that you two were still having some difficulty.  I wanted to explain to her that you did not know about Carl, and that I did not know about you."

Amanda studied the man before her.  Nibbling her lip, she nodded.  Although she doubted it would any good, she also doubted it would do any harm either.  Dotty's cold silence let her know exactly how angry her mother was; Amanda had expected explosive anger, a melodramatic scene that would honor the most overt of drama queens.  Since she had made her startling discovery, Dotty had become a stranger.

****

As she had done for the last two days, Amanda entered her home with a great deal of apprehension.  Doctor's Smyth's presence did not relieve her mind any.  Maybe she should think of him as Uncle Austin?  No, she immediately decide, that was not going to happen.

Looking around the living room, she saw no signs of Dotty.  She turned to walk upstairs when something struck her as wrong.  She walked back into the living room, her eyes quickly scanning the area.  Some photos and knickknacks were missing.

Doctor Smyth opened his mouth to ask her a question when a horn blew outside.  Amanda peeked out the window and saw a taxi sitting in her driveway.  She turned to look at Smyth.  "There's a taxi—"

"There's my taxi," Dotty said.  Amanda turned and saw her mother standing at the bottom of the staircase, a suitcase in both hands.

"I'm moving out, Amanda," she announced.  She looked and sounded very much like Doctor Smyth.  Amanda had never heard her mother sound so icy before today.  "Besides, you and Lee will need the space."

Amanda shook her head, desperate to clear out the foggy feeling she was experiencing.  "Lee and I?  Mother, we already discussed--"

"Yes, dear," Dotty said, nodding her head like the Queen of England.  "But that was before I knew the two of you were married."

Doctor Smyth dropped his lighter.  He did not seem to notice as it thudded on the carpet below him.  "What!"

Dotty sat down her suitcases and walked over to the bookcases.  She picked up a file folder lying on one of them and handed it to her brother.  "When they delivered this background check earlier today, I thought you had changed your policy a lot since you went from section chief to agency head, Austin.  Remember what you used to say about two married people working together?  Dulled their senses.  Made them too vulnerable.  You didn't care what the FBI's policy was; you were going to have your own.  Hoover never knew anything anyway, you said."

For the first time, Amanda saw Doctor Smyth speechless.  Since his eyes were so close together, he did an amazing imitation of a fish.  His mouth opened and closed with not a sound emerging.  Unfortunately, Amanda's ability to speech had been robbed from her, too.

Dotty finally turned to look at her, and she saw a flash of fear and pain in her mother's eyes.  She wanted to reach out, to touch her, but she knew Dotty would reject the offer of comfort right now.

"I had movers come earlier, so this is all I have left here," she said, indicating her suitcase.  "I left my address and phone number on the kitchen counter."  She looked like she wanted to say more, but she did not.  She picked up her suitcases and walked to the door.  She opened it, walked through it, and closed it without ever looking back.

Amanda slid to the floor.  Aunt Katherine had been wrong.  Dotty was not going to be okay, not any time soon.  She watched as Doctor Smyth glanced through the folder Dotty had handed him.  She wanted to care, but her emotions were too raw to feel anything.  Her professional life was now in chaos, too.  How would Doctor Smyth, as head of the Agency, handle her marriage to Lee?  How would the fact they kept it secret affect their jobs?  She did not know.

She could not even think because of all the questions, emotions, and thoughts running through her mind.  The pressure was on her again, but this time it was much worse than it had ever been.  _Calgone_, she thought with a tinge of hysteria, _take me away!_


	7. Chapter 7

***

Lee barely had a chance to greet his caller, before there was a knock at his front door.  Knowing it was Amanda just by the way she knocked, he opened the door.  Smiling at his wife, he tried to concentrate on what Billy was saying.  "No, Billy, I don't know why Doctor Smyth would want to see us in your office tomorrow."

After she shut the door behind her, Amanda held up her left hand and pointed to her ring finger.  Finally, she pointed at him.  "I'm sure it's no--" Lee stopped talking when he realized what Amanda's game of charades meant.  His entire focus shifted to her.  He noticed the taunt skin around her mouth, the lack of a smile, and the dark circles under her eyes.  The last two days had put a horrible strain on her, but she had managed to keep up her spirits somewhat.  She believed her mother would eventually calm down and talk to her.  The woman now looked ready to fall apart before his eyes.

"Lee, are you still there?"  Billy's question reminded him that he had the phone in his hand.

Never taking his eyes off Amanda, he answered.  "Uh, Billy, we'll talk about it tomorrow."

There was a long pause before his friend and supervisor said anything else.  "I'm not going to like it, am I, Stetson?"

Thinking of his own response, knowing how his life was going to be forever changed, Lee about answered no.  Then, he thought of all the times Billy had gently teased him about Amanda, how hard the other man worked to get Lee to notice how perfect Amanda was for him.  "Billy, I think--I think you are going to have mixed emotions tomorrow."

Lee could picture his friend sitting on the other side of the phone line.  He would be leaning on his elbow; his eyebrows would be drawn together in a concentrated frown, as he thought about what Lee was and was not saying.  "Lee--"

"Billy, I would tell you more, but I think Amanda needs me right now."  He wanted to be the one to tell his friend, not Doctor Smyth, but--"Why don't we meet in your office at eight thirty in the morning?  That will give us a half hour before Smyth gets there."

An almost inaudible sigh told Lee that Billy was agreeing.  "Oh, and Billy, can you have Francine there, too?  I want her to hear it from us."  Amanda nodded, letting him know that she agreed.  Lee had never understood the murky relationship between his wife and Francine.  While neither one had anything in common with the other, and probably never would, both had intense respect and loyalty to the other now.  Not that they often showed it.  Quips and snide remarks filled their everyday relationship, but even that had changed over the years into a gentle teasing.

Taking a deep breath, Lee hung up the phone.  A day he had spent dreading was here; tomorrow would determine his future.  His professional life was not a big concern.  Before Amanda, the possible thought of losing it would have devastated him.  Now, he was bothered by the idea of working in the field without her by his side.  They worked well together, better than he had ever clicked with any other partner.  Her strengths were his weaknesses and vice versa.

But the idea that terrified him was that he would be put at a desk job while she was put into the field with another agent.  A younger Lee would have run screaming from the paper work, but now he was more worried about Amanda.  She would be out there, drawing danger like a magnet, and he would not be there to protect her back.  What if she worked with an operative that did not understand her unique strengths?  Telling her to stay in the car never worked for him, and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it would not work for her new partner.  But then why would the new one even try?  They would be co-workers.  The faceless colleague took on almost mythical portions in his mind.  Had for years really.

Amanda tossed her coat on the couch.  "Mother told Doctor Smyth."  The almost unblinking woman that entered his apartment a few minutes before became a tornado of activity.  She yanked up her coat and put in the closet.  She began straightening the magazines on the table.

"Your mother knows?"  Lee felt the familiar quicksand nipping at his heels.  While he did better keeping up know, Amanda could still lose him with her thought patterns.

She stopped dusting the table with her hand.  Her laugh was curt and held not a note of humor in it.  "She had a complete background check ran on us, and the marriage license was noticed."  She began pacing his small living room.

Lee shook his head, not completely understanding.  "Complete background?  You and I aren't due one of those--"

Amanda stopped to look at him.  She carefully pronounced each of her words, like she was talking to a small child.  "Lee, my mother somehow managed to have a complete background check ran on us."

He exhaled when he realized what she meant.  "Dotty knows someone that high up the ladder?"

She threw her arms up in frustration, before throwing herself down on his couch.  "I guess so.  I don't know.  I came home to find my mother leaving with suitcases in her hands--"

Lee sat down beside her, not too close, wanting to give her the space she needed.  "Where was she going?"

She took a deep breath and laid her head back on his couch.  He hated seeing her eyes closed, as if she were trying to hide her pain away from him.  "Her new home, I would assume."

He did not want to believe it.  "Dotty moved out?"

Amanda nodded her head, but still refused to look at him.  A tear forced its way out from beneath her eyelids.  "Yes, she did.  She didn't even--" Amanda finally opened her eyes, letting him see the pain tearing her apart inside.  "Lee, she didn't even bother to try to talk to me.  She had movers come in the middle of the day.  She was so angry!  Aunt Katherine assured me that she would fine, that she just needed time."

Lee reached out and drew her to him.  She resisted for a moment, struggling to pull back from his embrace.  Then, the floodgates opened.  Great racking sobs shook her body.  Hearing her cry hurt him, but she taught him long ago that it was best to get the pain out instead of denying it.  Sometimes, not often, he worried that she was becoming like him, the old him.  She tried to hide her hurts too much.  After Birol, she had immediately jumped back into the work, denying that anything was wrong with her.  The Agency was becoming her escape, as it had once been his.

After the storm had calmed, he gently picked Amanda up from the couch and carried her into their bedroom.  He lowered her onto the bed before tossing off his shoes--and pulling off Amanda's.  Even though he was not tired, he laid down beside her.  He held her close to his chest, wishing he could take away her pain.  

He thought about Dotty and her reaction.  As he showed Katherine around D.C., they had talked about Dotty.  Katherine had not been very forthcoming about the past, but she had been certain Dotty would be able to handle the news about her daughter.  Lee had agreed.  He thought she would one day explode in anger, and then the two of them would be able to work it out.  Why had learning the truth upset Dotty so much?

Amanda's lips met his in a desperate kiss.  Her hands began to unbutton his shirt.  For a moment, he considered letting her continue.  It had been over a week since they had found any time to be together this way.  He knew better though.  Ignoring his screaming need, he pulled his mouth away from hers.  "Amanda--"

She leaned her forehead against his chest.  "Lee, don't--"

"Never in desperation.  Remember?"  It was their agreement, reached during the Stemwinder case.  Tired, frightened, and so desperately alone, they had almost made a mistake.  One night, they had turned to each other and started to passionately kiss.  It had not taken long for their hot bodies to urge them to go further.  Lee had regained his senses in time.

He had struggled to explain why he did not want their first time to be done with anguished fear driving them.  He had been there too many times before with too many faceless women.  Fearing that tomorrow could be their last made people act stupid by doing things they would not normally do.  Having just told this woman that he loved her, he found it hard to admit to what an idiot he had been in the past, but Amanda understood his vague references.  Holding her close, he told her that she was too important to him to dare chance it.  He could easily remember the feeling of disgust that the morning after brought with it.  Lee refused to let Amanda experience that bitter aftertaste.  They had agreed to never go to bed together in desperation.  There had been a few times that they had been tempted, but . . ..

Amanda sighed as she turned her back to him.  He knew she was not angry with him.  He curled his body around hers, drawing her close.  Gently stroking her hair out of the way, he leaned over and kissed her neck.  He could feel her smile in his soul.

He flinched from the noise when she finally decided to talk.  "I have to find out what happened to my father."

He thought of a thousand arguments against it, but he remembered his own driving need to find out what happened to his parents, to learn if they were traitors.  Amanda had stood beside him through it all, even when she had not been comfortable with the lying and sneaking around that they had done.  Sighing heavily, he asked what she wanted to do first.

Amanda stroked his arm.  "They keep the old records somewhere in Virginia, right?"

Lee nodded, knowing what she wanted to do.  "Yes, they do, and I already know where."

His wife turned in his arms to look at him.  He saw the gratitude there, but he wanted to explain she did not need to be thankful.  She had backed him up too many times for him to deny her now.  He could not find the words.  Amanda kissed him hard on the lips.  "I know," she whispered before getting out of their bed.  "I am anyway."

***

Amanda thought Lee had brought her to the wrong building at first.  The plain white washed walls of the warehouse did little to make the building look good.  It looked as if it had been quickly built as a warehouse property, and should have been torn down a decade ago.  It had none of the Georgetown charm that the Agency's building did.  However, inside that place, it held just as many secrets, if not more, than IFF did.

Taking a deep breath, Amanda nodded.  Lee and she stepped out of the 'vette at the same time.  Putting his hand on her back, he guided her into the building.  As he talked to the security guards, she hoped they would not ask her any questions.  Her mind was so chaotic, she was not even sure she would answer the annoying and frequent drive-thru question:  "Would you like fries with that?"

Inside the bowels of this building were answers she was not even sure she wanted to know.  If life had continued on as before, if her mother had not been so hurt, then Amanda might have been able to ignore the truth about Carl West.  A part of her did not want to know, because she knew too much, had learned too much, from her years with the Agency.  She could recite examples of ways people had been killed in this business, and she had learned personally how good men could go bad.  No one had even hinted that her father had turned traitor, but it could be a reason why no one wanted to talk about him.

As they walked down the long hallway, Amanda's thoughts echoed through her mind.  Did she really have the courage to face what might be in those files?  She hoped she did, and she prayed that whatever she found would give her enough answers to help her heal the wounds between her and her mother.  "Unfortunately," Lee whispered in her ear, "Julia Marshall is still here for some reason.  If we can get past her, then we are in."

It took Amanda a moment to recognize the name.  "The Julia Marshall?  The one you all joke about having more power than Doctor Smyth?"  Lee's laughter helped her to relax her aching muscles.  After they left today, she would ask her husband to use his magic fingers all over her tired body.

As if he could read her mind, Lee started to rub his hand across her back.  "Yeah, she's that one.  It seems like she does sometimes.  She's his assistant, even if she's never been given that title as far as I know.  If something doesn't get past her, Doctor Smyth does not see it, no matter how much you whine or beg."

Amanda felt her stomach curl at the news.  "Do you think we will be able to get in?"

Lee walked several steps before answering.  "I hope so, but she's a tough ol' broad."

Amanda smiled as Lee stopped in front of the last door on the right.  "You don't have to knock," the guard escorting them said.  "She knows you are coming."

Lee took a deep breath, looked at Amanda, and opened the door.  Expecting to find a dragon, she instead saw a petite lady looking back at them from behind a small desk.  The dragon was an elf.  Amanda shifted when she experienced a nagging sense of familiarity.  She knew she had never met this woman before today.  "Oh, Mandy, don't think you should leave it alone?"  The elf's voice was magical--light and airy.

Lee's head snapped around in surprise to look at Amanda.  She shook her head.  "You know me?"

A small gleam of moisture gleamed in Julia's eyes as she stood up from her desk.  She wore a tiny smile on her lips.  "Yes, I do, Mandy.  I used to burp you when you were a baby, and I saw you struggle with your first bicycle.  I used to visit Dotty and Carl all the time before--Anyway, I used to see you a lot until just after your fourth birthday."

Amanda placed her hands on the back of the chair in front of her, leaning on it for support.  "You know my parents?"

Julia nodded as she walked around her desk.  She stood in front of Amanda, her eyes roaming as if she wanted to drink in everything about Amanda.  "Yes, I did.  We all used to meet at your parents house a lot.  I'm surprised that you don't remember it."

She laughed to keep from crying.  She remembered Doctor Smyth's words.  "My u--Doctor Smyth told me that a lot of the agents used to be friends.  And I told him that I've had dreams since I started working at the Agency, but I thought--they weren't anything like the childhood I could remember.  And I just knew that I had never been in the bullpen, and I knew Mother did not allow everyone we knew to just drop by unannounced."

Julia leaned against her desk.  "She used to, a long time ago."

Amanda thought of her mother's reaction to learning about Amanda's spying activities.  "I'm surprised Mother accepted you all being there so easily."

Julia crossed her arms and looked down at her feet.  "Accepted us?  Amanda, your mother was around us all a lot of the time.  We were her friends just as much, if not more, than we were Carl's."  

Amanda closed her eyes.  Lee's hands rested on her shoulders, gently rubbing them.  Without his hands supporting her, she doubted she would have been able to stay standing.  "Don't tell me she was a spy, too."

Julia shook her head.  "No, she was not a spy, but she was a civilian helper like you were before Stemwinder.  A lot like you were actually."

Lee made a chocking sound behind her, but Amanda found it impossible to speak.  She should not be surprised.  Honestly, she should not be, but she was.

***


	8. Chapter 8

Lee could not believe the information he had heard.  He could only begin to imagine how Amanda had to be feeling.  After her startling revelation, Julia Marshall had casually asked Lee and Amanda to sit down.  She called for coffee to be delivered, and then made small talk about the business as they waited for the refreshments to arrive.

He met Julia Marshall a few times over the years, and the woman in front of him was not here.  Well, she was, but--When he called her a tough ol' broad earlier, he had been playing nice.  Usually, she was a witch.  The wicked witch of Oz, if she had ever been called in front of Julia Marshall, would have trembled in fear.  The smiling, kind woman in front of him was a shock, to put it mildly.

She poured them all a cup of coffee before getting back to the reason why Amanda was here.  Julia, as she asked them to call her, was behaving wildly out of character.  Amanda seemed to be the cause.  Surely, she was not a surprise aunt?  His in-laws had already increased enough in number for Lee.

If he went to the Agency right now and told them that Julia Marshall had poured him coffee and smiled, he knew exactly what response he would hear.  "What have you been smoking, Scarecrow?"  He would not blame one of them for asking.  He was too busy asking himself the same question.

"Mandy," Julia was saying to Amanda, "your father's files are here--on microfilm.  I'll let you read them, if you want to, but, Amanda, I have to warn you.  Your father's death is best left alone."

His wife shook her head.  "I can't.  My mother--I have to know what happened them so I can deal with the now."

Julia smiled sadly as she walked to stand in front of them.  "You remind me a lot of Dotty West, young lady.  Your mother was always stubborn; your father was, too, actually.  I owe a lot to both of them.  If it had not been for Dotty, I would not be here today."

"She saved your life?"  Amanda's voice squeaked.

Julia laughed.  "No, I meant that I would not be at this job.  She went to bat for me with Smyth back in the days when he was Section Chief.  Told him that I was a damn find organizer, and I would be better as his right-hand man than the one he was considering.  The other applicant only had one advantage over me--he was male!  Times were a lot different back then."  She shook her head, smiling at the memory.  "Anyway, he chose me--reluctantly--and within a couple of weeks he was thrilled that he had."  They all smiled at the anecdote about Doctor Smyth.

Julia leaned back and reached inside her top desk drawer.  She brought out a set of keys.  "These will get you where you want to go."  She placed them in Amanda's hands.

Lee looked down at the keys in amazement.  If someone was able to get inside the vault, an armed guard escorted him or her at all times.  As if reading his thoughts, Julia said, "I trust you both, and I think Amanda needs to face this without a stranger standing over her shoulder.  Besides," she finished, sounding like the Julia Marshall Lee knew.  "We have cameras throughout the room, so we will know if you go out of bounds."

***

With her eyes closed, Amanda took a deep breath.  She could do this, she knew she could, but did she want to?  The last few days had been a roller coaster of emotions for her.  They upset her more than she wanted to admit.  She watched her dream world dissolve into a soap opera.  Her nice suburban parents had been spies.  Dotty had been a "civilian", but Amanda knew from experience how much a "civilian" could do in the Agency.  Disarming nuclear missiles, taking out arms dealers, tracking down traitors . . . the list was endless.

Opening her eyes, she began to read the information on the screen.  Lee stood a few feet away from her on her left, giving her room, but remaining close by in case she needed him.  Scrolling through her father's files, she noted how much of it was blackened out, a sure indication that he had been involved in some sensitive cases.  She knew Lee's file would look similar, and Billy recently joked about hers being the same way.  She wondered where they kept the copies of the blacked out pages.  Surely, someone somewhere needed to know what was behind those huge black streaks of ink.

The black streaks began during her father's military days in Korea.  He had not stumbled into it like she had when he returned to the States.  Her father might have been a full-blown operative before she was even born.  He had been good, too, because his record overflowed with commendation after commendation.  She remembered the first one she had received, her first sight of the President's signature at the bottom.  She had wanted to race home and share it with her family.  Instead, it now hung in the Q-bureau, unseen by them and unmentioned by her.  Had her father ever felt that way?  How many times had he come home with a large grin on his face, unable to share why with those he loved?  Or had he?  When had Dotty gotten involved?  There was not even a notation about her in his record outside of "Spouse's Name".

She found it.  The report on her father's death.  Her trained eyes went to the agent of record's signature first, noticing that it was a name she knew.  He had retired not long after she had met Lee, and she had only talked to him once that she could remember.  However, she could recall the feeling of disquiet that had struck her at the time.  She thought he was an odd man.  Now, looking back, she realized that he had known who she was and was wondering how much information she had about her father.  

She made a mental note to look him up one day soon.  The way the intelligence community was about gossip, she would have heard if he had died.  What could he tell her about Carl West at work?  The laughing, joking man she had known would hardly make a good agent in her opinion.  Would Philip and Jamie be saying that about her in twenty years if they found out about her?

Her eyes skimmed over the page as she struggled to remain detached.  It was not her father she was reading about, it was--It was her father she was reading about.  She could not stop the pain from shooting through her at seeing his death described so coldly and mechanically.  As an agent, she understood.  As a daughter, she did not.

He had been shot during a struggle with a Soviet Bloc agent.  Agent West died almost instantly as the bullet struck him in the heart.  His partner, Agent Billy Miles, had then shot the unidentified Soviet Agent.  The man had been preparing to assassinate the deceased's daughter when Agent West--

***

A loud gasp, then a chocking sound, alerted Lee that something was wrong.  He turned and found his wife deathly pale.  Even the first time she watched someone die, she had not looked so sickly.  He should have known better.  He should have came alone to read the documents, and then delicately told Amanda what was inside them.  But he had not wanted to take on her stubbornness.

He turned her chair so that she was looking at him instead of the machine in front of her.  "Amanda?  Are you all right?"

Tears streamed down her face as she struggled to regain control of her breathing.  Pointing to the machine beside her, she tried to say something.  "Me," was what it sounded like it, but that did not make any sense to Lee, and he had grown fairly fluent in "Amanda" over the years.  "What do you mean, Amanda?  What are you saying?"

She leaned forward, shuddering as he put her head on his shoulder.  "Me," she whispered.  "They were trying to kill me."  Lee held his breath when he realized what she was saying.  He understood why Katherine and Doctor Smyth had tried to warn her away.  To find out that you parent died trying to protect you--

"Amanda--" He struggled to find words of comfort, but they eluded him.  Great racking sobs began to emerge from Amanda.  He sank down to the floor, drawing his wife down into his lap.  Then, gently, he began rocking her as his tears joined hers.

***

When they left the vault an hour later, they headed back towards Julia's office to return her keys.  As they approached it, they could hear the sound of Doctor Smyth's raised voice coming through the door.  Knowing how thick that door was, Lee knew Doctor Smyth was in high temper if they could hear him.  Amanda managed to smile weakly and shake her head as Lee winced.  He briefly considered returning the keys to the guard at the front door, but that would violate procedure.  More importantly, it would violate Julia's trust.

As if knowing the conflicting impulses raging in him, she leaned over to whisper.  "It's okay.  He's my uncle."

Lee started to laugh, and Amanda joined him.  Of all the people in the world that she could be related to, he would have put Doctor Smyth at the very bottom of the possibility list.  He could not think of two people who were less alike.  His bubbly wife was in no way similar to the mocking man that ran the Agency.  Blue Leader, who had followed his agents around and talked to them only through a complicated system of radios, had had more warmth than Doctor Smyth.

The door swung open in front of them before they could even knock.  "I'll talk to you--" Doctor Smyth started as he almost ran them over.  He backed away from the door and motioned for them to enter in front of him.  

Lee watched Doctor Smyth's eyes scan Amanda's face for distress.  Until that day in Amanda's home, he had never seen Smyth lose his temper, not in the way he had in Amanda's den.  Yelling was too passionate of a chore for him; today he had been doing the same yelling.  Smyth cared about Amanda, about his family.  He really did, and the idea of it blew Lee away.  He wondered if Amanda could see the hint of tender alarm on their boss's face?  What was he thinking?  It was his wife; Amanda read people like a college professor read words.  It was as natural as breathing for her.

The four people in the room shuffled around uneasily. Finally, Doctor Smyth spoke. His words were for Amanda, but his eyes stayed on Julia. "She should have never let you see them." 

Amanda pushed her hair behind her ears. "I needed to know." 

Julia's jaw was firm, and her arms were crossed, as she looked back at Doctor Smyth.  She was not afraid of the man.  "She had the right to see them, Austin."

Doctor Smyth's lips curled.  "Why?  Do you know how many good people there are that do not have a clue what happened to their parents in reality?  What stories they have been told?"  It was obviously an old argument between them.

"Lies," Lee said quietly.  He remembered all the stories he had been told.

Amanda flinched as if he had slapped her.  Lee started to ask her what was wrong when Doctor Smyth spoke.  "Fine, lies.  Most people never even have the chance to know, let alone get the details.  Amanda did not need the details."

"But I wanted them," Amanda whispered.  "And I did need them.  Mother needs me to know."

Doctor Smyth leaned on the desk and sighed.  He looked tired.  "Dotty does not want you to know.  If she did, she would have told you herself."

"She wouldn't have told me that!  She--" Lee's hand on her shoulder stopped her from raging at the man.  He understood her anger, but he also knew she was emotionally drained and physically exhausted.  Now was not the time to be picking fights.

"We have an early morning appointment tomorrow, Amanda," he reminded her, gently urging her towards the door.  "It's late.  We need to go home and get some sleep."  It was one of her old arguments, one that she had used many times before their wedding.  A wry grin touched her lips briefly before she nodded.

Doctor Smyth stood, his cool mask back in place.  "Yes, we all have some questions that we want answered, don't we?"  With that gentle taunt still in the air, he walked past them and left the room.

***


	9. Chapter 9

As she walked into her dark bedroom, Amanda moaned. She did not bother to turn on any lights. The brightness might make her head hurt worse. Lee had offered to come in and give her back rub, but she had declined. If he had walked into her home tonight, she would not have let him leave it until the morning. 

She had already had too many discussions with the boys since their grandmother had moved out of the house. Being the inquisitive teenagers they were, they would have more questions for her in the morning. Joe's leaving had not brought forth the inquisition she had faced with Dotty's abrupt departure. The boys had had more warning, and had been too young when their father left to know the questions to ask.

She walked over to her bed, using the small pool of moonlight to guide her steps. She picked up the nightgown she had hastily thrown onto her covers that morning. Tossing it back down, she yanked off the clothes she had worn all day. She knew she should hang them, and normally would have, but tonight she felt like a small child. She threw them on the floor.

Her mother had left her. Amanda had kids of her own, and she felt abandoned by her mother!

Shaking her head, she let the nightgown slide its way down onto her body. Fortunately, working at the Agency had taught her how to force herself to sleep, how to shut down her mind long enough to let her body fall into rest. She used to be such a picky person about sleep. She tried to imagine her, the woman she had been the day she met Lee, falling asleep in a cardboard box; she failed.

Her tired body heard it before it felt it. Paper crunched beneath her head. Sitting up, she grabbed the envelope off of her pillow. She took a deep breath and forced herself to turn on the lamp. She recognized the handwriting on the front--Dotty's. She played with the idea of waiting until morning to read it, but quickly decided against it. No amount of Agency training would let her sleep with that letter crying out her name from the nightstand beside her head.

The sound of the envelope being ripped open sounded incredibly loud in the room. Steeling herself for a curt, angry message, she gasped when it read like her mother wrote it, the one she had before Dotty found out that her daughter was a spy.

_Dearest Amanda,_

_I've begun this letter a dozen times. The words have been hard for me to find. I know you are hurt and confused, but then so am I. I have always hoped that you would never learn about Carl. Even more than I hoped that desire for adventure had not been passed down to you._

_Give me time, baby girl. I still love you. Even though I am very angry and hurt right now._

_I stopped in tonight to try to talk to you, to try to find the words to explain. I admit that I'm glad you weren't here. Even as I knocked on the door, I knew I was not ready._

_Instead of you, I found Philip and Jamie waiting with their own questions. I took them out for ice cream. When they asked me why, I did not know what to say. It is not my place to tell them about you, and I cannot find the words to share with you about what I am experiencing. How do I explain that to two young boys? So, I told them I was having a mid-life crisis and needed some time to myself. Being boys, they seemed to accept that answer. For now._

_I will try to call you tomorrow. I hope you are not out trying to find more information about your father. Austin and Katherine both have told me that you asked questions, and I know that if you are anything like me, you won't let it go._

_Please, Amanda, for both our sakes, let it go._

_Love,_

_Mother_

After studying the words, Amanda folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Lying back down, she stared at the ceiling, her mind going in a million different directions all at once. Since finding out that her father had died to protect her, she had worried that maybe Dotty held her responsible in some way. However, the letter had at least laid that fear to rest.

Letting out a deep shuddering breath, Amanda tried to gather her thoughts. She needed sleep; tomorrow was going to be rough. She was not all that worried about the meeting with Doctor Smyth. Concerned for what might happen to Lee and her professionally maybe, but the emotional pressure would not be that intense. She barely knew the man; she in no way felt like she had betrayed his trust.

Billy and Francine were different. They would be happy for them, but they would also be hurt. Billy had been the pep club for their romance long before either one of them would have considered the possibility. He had easily accepted their need to keep their relationship secret, and had even told them so. However, how would he feel finding out that their relationship was a marriage?

Francine was . . . Francine. She tried so hard to appear cold and sophisticated that it had taken Amanda a long time to see the heart that beat beneath the exterior. They would never be the type of friends that hung out together, but Amanda knew when push came to shove, Francine would back her up all the way. 

Even when she had tried to warn Amanda about Lee, her heart had been in the right place. She did not know Lee the way Amanda did. The man Francine had a relationship with in the past had practically been another man wearing Lee Stetson's face. The man married to Amanda had learned to trust, to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, and had allowed himself to realize how much he yearned for a family of his own. Francine's own past relationships, and her own prejudices, had prevented her from seeing the changes.

Tomorrow would be a rough day. Amanda needed to make some decisions, and she was not even sure what her options were, yet, but they would be life changing. The options about her home life she did know, but she did not want to make that decision. Was it time to tell Philip and Jamie the truth? Or should she forever keep it a secret?

She remembered the bitterness in Lee's voice when he had said "lies" earlier in Julia's office; she doubted he had even noticed the feeling he put into the word. She had though, and it had been a slap in the face, even though he had not been talking to her. She had been lying so much over the last four years, it felt natural now. Didn't she used to feel awkward lying to her family?

Philip and Jamie were both teen-agers now. If she was going to tell them, now might be the best time. If something happened to her, what lies would the Agency tell them? If something happened to her out in the field, would they be told that she had died in a car crash? Would they feel as betrayed as she did right now? She was not sure she could let that happen.

She managed to fall asleep. Unfortunately, her mind never let her body rest; she tossed and turned all night as different scenarios played themselves out in her dreams.

***

Holding the earpiece away, Amanda winced as the screams hit her eardrums. "He's perfect! Oh, Amanda, I'm thrilled. You both will have to come over for dinner some time next week so I can welcome him into the family.

Usually a morning person herself, Amanda wondered how anyone could be so cheery at six o'clock in the morning. She had been downstairs starting her coffee, struggling not to miss Dotty's presence, when she realized she had forgotten to let Aunt Katherine know the latest events.

Doctor Smyth had told her about Dotty's abrupt departure--something Katherine said she had a hard time believing--but he had failed to tell her about her new nephew-in-law. She would fuss at him for it later; Amanda tried to picture anyone fussing at Doctor Smyth and failed. As Katherine continued to talk about all of Lee's merits, she sighed. "Looks like Lee has made another conquest."

Katherine's laughter helped sooth her aching nerves. "Honey, I know you well enough to know that you aren't bothered by your husband's charm. It's part of him, and his heart belongs to you in full."

Leaning on the counter, Amanda looked out the window where Lee had tapped so many times. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I sound so grumpy. I'm really not looking forward to a meeting today, and I didn't sleep well, and--"

"Meeting? Is Austin holding a meeting about your marriage?" Katherine exhaled loudly when Amanda confirmed that it was. "He never did like married people working together."

The sound of feet clomping at the top of the stairs warned Amanda that the boys were heading down for breakfast. "Got to go, Aunt Katherine. Philip and Jamie are wanting to eat!"

"My thoughts and prayers will be with you today, Honey."

"Thanks, I'll need them," Amanda whispered before hanging up the phone.

Philip and Jamie's eyes roamed the kitchen, looking for someone they knew would not be there. Smiling sadly, Amanda remembered a long ago morning and frantic rush to get ready to go to the train station to drop off Dean. Dotty had been cooking away, following the directions of the woman on the TV--a woman her daughter would help arrest for spying in a few days. Philip and Jamie had been--

"How about some sugar sandwiches?" Sometimes, she wished she could turn back time so that she could enjoy the tiny moments that made up life more. Since she could not do it, she often had to remind herself to enjoy the moments as they happened.

Both boys looked at her in a manner that teenagers alone could do right. "Oh, gross, Mom," Philip groaned. Amanda laughed, enjoying the feeling of release.

***


	10. Chapter 10

"I'll have you know, Scarecrow, that I was up until three o'clock this morning.  This had better be good!  Today is my day off!"  Francine snapped as she walked into Billy's office.

Billy turned to look at Lee.  He had been drumming his finger the entire time as they waited for the fourth member of their meeting to arrive.  His eyebrows were knotted into a scowl.  Doctor Smyth being a snit was not unusual, but it was always unpleasant.  Lee opened his mouth to begin, but Amanda reached out to hold his hand, stopping him.  It was her story to tell; most of it anyway.  The marriage was theirs.

"On the day you met Aunt Katherine--" Amanda sighed heavily.  Taking a deep breath, she began to quickly spit out her story.  "Well, I had just learned the day before that she was a spy."

Francine tried to interrupt.  "Amanda, that's not all that unusual--"

Amanda kept talking, too afraid to stop.  "After lunch, I innocently opened up a photo album.  I had found some photos of my parent's wedding the month before.  Someone had been ripped out of each one Mother's copies, but Aunt Katherine had the same photos in her album.  Whole.  The man Mother had ripped out of the photos was who I was interested in, so I glanced at that photo, never expecting to see someone I know.  Well, to make a long story, short--"

"Too late," Francine muttered.

"The man standing next to my father in the wedding party photo, his best man--" Amanda forced herself to breath.  "My father's best man was Doctor Smyth.  A very young, _smiling_ Doctor Smyth, but Doctor Smyth."

Billy looked as if he were waiting for the punch line of a long joke, and Amanda did not dare to look at Francine.  Amanda looked at her feet as she waited for her revelation to sink in--the smallest, most normal revelation she had for today.  

"What?"

Not caring who asked the question, Amanda continued to tell her story.  She did not have the courage to look up, and told the tale to her shoes instead of her friends.  "Well, Mother was furious that I knew who he was--I said his name when I saw who it was, I mean I was shocked, I never expected to see him in my parents' wedding photos!  She immediately demanded to know if I was a spy--I mean, I really wasn't ready for that question!  I never expected my mother to even _know_ Doctor Smyth let alone know he was the head of the Agency.  I didn't even expect her to know _anything_ about the Agency.  Back when Stemwinder happened--She thinks you were CIA, Sir."

Amanda looked up to find Billy watching her.  His eyes were full of questions, but he waited patiently for her to finish her report.  "Aunt Katherine told me that they were best friends--Doctor Smyth and my father, Sir--but she refused to tell me anything else.  I went home, but Mother wouldn't even look at me, so I went up to get in my cleaning clothes--we were supposed to be spring-cleaning--remember, I told you, Sir.  Anyway," she took a deep breath.  "When I came downstairs, I heard yelling.  It was Doctor Smyth and Mother.  I'd never heard Doctor Smyth yell before, Sir."

Billy said nothing, taking a moment to digest what she said.  Francine waited no time to ask her question.  "Your mother knows Doctor Smyth?  He was your father's best friend?  That's how she knows him?"

Amanda shook her head.  "No, that's how Mother met my father.  Doctor Smyth brought him, his college friend, home for the weekend."

Francine walked to stand beside Billy.  She looked at her boss and then at Amana.  "I'm confused.  How would Dotty have known Doctor Smyth?"

Amanda started when she realized she had left out the most important revelation.  Lee squeezed her hand, and gave her a smile of encouragement.  "I forgot to say, didn't I?  Well, Doctor Smyth is--Well, he's her brother."

"What?"  Billy shot up from his chair.

Lee stepped in, giving Amanda a break.  "Yes, it's true.  Amanda here is the top dog's niece.  Doubt it will get us any brownie points with him," he joked.

Amanda smiled at her husband, thanking him for diffusing the tension with a joke.  Or trying to.  "I doubt it will either."

Billy sank down in his chair, and Francine leaned against the back wall for support.  "I don't believe it," she muttered under her breath.

Their supervisor shook his head.  "I don't know what to say."

Amanda smiled.  It was weak, but it was a smile.  "There really isn't anything to say, Sir.  I know.  It's caused friction at home.  Mother's even moved out for now."

Francine winced at the news.  Amanda knew the other woman envied her easy relationship with Dotty.  Francine loved her own mother, but they were not close.  In fact, Amanda had heard her friend say more than once that she would almost rather walk through a field full of land minds than try to talk to her mother.

Billy's eyes let Amanda know of his sympathy.  "Why did Doctor Smyth call this meeting?  He wanted us to know of his relationship with you?"

Her eyes went to Lee's, looking for the support she knew she would find there.  She saw a willingness to take over the task there, but she shook her head.  She wanted--she needed--to be the one to tell them.  "My mother was so upset to learn about me being a spy because my father died in the line of duty."

She could tell that Billy understood.  A pain that she had fortunately only seen a few times before crossed his face.  His shoulders drooped in defeat.  All agents hated to hear about one of their own dying.  However, those that had been placed in charge of them were especially sensitive.  They took each death personally, as if they had failed.

Francine stood up from the wall, shaking her head.  "Killed in--What duty?" she demanded.

Lee did not even give Amanda the chance to say.  She wanted to stop him, to insist that she be the one to say it, but she understood her husband's desire to protect her, too.  He knew the whole story, knew how devastated Amanda felt about Carl West's death.  "Amanda's father worked with Harry before there even was an Agency, back in the days when it was nothing more than a secret department of the CIA."

Francine ability to answer anything with a quip left her.  "I don't believe this," was all she said.

"I'm sorry, Amanda," Billy said.  His voice reminded Amanda of cotton candy.  Sweet and soft.

She nodded, struggling to keep the tears in her eyes from falling.  "Thank you, Sir.  I am, too.  Anyway, my mother used to help out my father and his friends sometimes as a civilian.  She had a lot of contacts left in the business, like her old friend Julia Marshall."  Francine grunted, sounding as if someone had punched her in the stomach. 

"Which brings us to the reason why we are all here today.  Dotty had Julia run a full background check on both of us," Lee informed them.

Billy's eyebrows shot up.  "There was something there?"

"Both of you went through intense checks this past year," Francine protested.  "There could not have been anything in there that would have gotten Doctor Smyth upset; he should have already known."

Lee's gaze rested on his wife as he answered Francine.  "It isn't anything bad, Francine.  Not in our opinion."  Wearing a goofy grin, he looked at his friends.  "Just a marriage certificate that hadn't been there before."

Billy's face was blank in astonishment, but Francine's showed everything from shock, to hurt, to anger.  Without saying a word, she walked out the door and quietly closed it behind her.  Amanda wished she had slammed it.  She looked at Lee, and he nodded to let her know that he agreed.  She went after Francine, leaving Lee alone to talk to their boss.

***

"Amanda, I really don't want to discuss it right now," Francine snapped, holding up her hand.  She sat down at her desk where a large stack of folders awaited her.  Amanda often wondered how her friend could do so much paper work so quickly.  It was one of Francine's strengths.  She was made for management, even though she wanted to be one of the great field agents.

Amanda did not bother to reminder her that it was her day off; if she could help it, she would prefer not to track after Francine all over DC.  She leaned against the corner of the blonde's desk, struggling to look relaxed.  "Oh, I know.  I'm just letting Billy and Lee have some time to talk alone."

She waited patiently as Francine worked her way through two file folders.  Amanda watched as she angrily tossed one into her outbox.  She knew it was a sign; Francine was ready to talk.  "You must have been really laughing that day I warned you about Lee Stetson.  You knew that you were hors d'oeuvres, main course, and dessert to the man." 

"No, I didn't, Francine," she admitted.  "I found it incredibly nice that you cared."

Tossing down her pen, Francine swung her chair around so that she would be facing Amanda.  She opened her mouth to make a cutting remark--Amanda could see it in her eyes--but she stopped herself.  "I didn't want you to get hurt; you aren't like me, Amanda.  You don't realize how they can be."  She shook her head.  "You still believe in fairy tales."

Amanda did not say that she believed a part of Francine wanted to believe in fairy tales.  They did not have that type of friendship, and Francine's natural wall of protection would be impossible to get through if she started down that path.  

She had her own kind of proof; she had seen the hope on Francine's face the first few times that she had went out with Jonathan again.  Unfortunately, the same old problems had reappeared, and they had agreed to break it off before they became too involved.  Francine had been devastated--not that she allowed it to show, but, after working closely with her for four years, Amanda had seen it.

Amanda glanced back towards Billy's office, wishing she had X-Ray vision so she could see through the pulled shades.  She trusted Lee to handle Billy, and her job was to help heal the breach between them and Francine.  "Fair tales do happen, Francine," she said without thought.

The blonde laughed and turned back to her desk.  Shaking her head, she picked up another folder.  "Well, maybe they do for you, Amanda Ki--I'm sorry, Amanda Stetson--but they don't happen for the rest of us."

Amanda winced.  She understood Francine's bitterness, had for a long time.  Francine worked hard to get where she was in the Agency.  Julia Marshall believed it was easier on women today, but Amanda was not so sure.  The intelligence field was very much a boys' club.  Today, many of the women operatives were there for window decoration and lures.  Too many of the men on both sides enjoyed pillow talk too much.

In Francine's eyes, Amanda managed to get where she was by simply being at a train station at the right time.  It had not been that simple, but Francine's experiences had been worse Amanda knew.  While her main problem had been getting Lee's trust, Francine had faced challenges from every angle.  Also, she had the instincts that Francine lacked.  Training for Amanda smoothed out a few rough edges.  Francine's strengths lay elsewhere.

However, Francine had another reason to be jealous of Amanda.  Besides being partnered with one of the best and most active agents in the field, she had a life outside the Agency, too.  Try as she might, Francine never managed to have one.  If Amanda had to guess, she would say that Francine wondered about children, but there was no great yearning there.  Instead, she wished for a husband, a partner, to come home to, who would care that she was late.  Amanda had two wonderful sons and a mother, whereas Francine's mother lived in California, living it up with her high-class friends, and occasionally remembering to call her daughter.  Now, Amanda had Lee, too.  She understood Francine's bitterness, but she did not have to accept it.

Amanda walked in front of the desk and placed her hands flat on its top.  "I'll let you in on a secret that they didn't share with me when I was a little girl, Francine:  Fairy tales take a lot of hard work to make them happen."

Francine looked down at the pen in her hand.  "I know that, Amanda.  I just--"

"I know," she said.  She really did understand Francine.

"You, Amanda, are the only person who can say that and make me believe that you mean it."  Francine's anger had abated. 

Amanda reached into her purse, pulling out a package that had been bought with Francine's birthday in mind.  She laid the box of very rich, very fattening, very expensive box of Swiss Milk Chocolate in front of Francine.  Her friend shook her head, smiling.  "You are bad."

Amanda laughed, pushing the box closer to Francine.  "I know.  We have a few minutes before 'Uncle Austin' is supposed to arrive.  Why don't we devour them?"  They both laughed at the idea of Doctor Smyth being an Uncle Austin.

A few minutes later, moaning as the chocolate melted on her tongue, Amanda remembered something else that she wanted to share with Francine.  "Did I mention that Julia Marshall used to have your job?"

Francine stopped in mid-chew.  "What?"

"She told us yesterday," Amanda said as she sipped her coffee.  "She started out as the Section Chief's assistant, back when Doctor Smyth had Billy's job.  You know, people say she's more powerful than him now."  A spark of interested lighted in Francine's eyes.  _Watch out Julia Marshall_, Amanda thought.

***


	11. Chapter 11

"Amanda!"  Aunt Katherine's smile widened.  "I didn't expect to see you tonight.  Come on in and tell me what happened earlier."

Relaxing from the warm greeting, Amanda entered the apartment.  Everything had been put into places; all the boxes were missing.  "I see you're moved in now."

Katherine looked around her apartment, a hint of sadness in her eyes.  "Yes, I am for now.  I may be moving again soon though.  They need an operative in France."

Amanda followed Katherine into the living room.  She noticed the stack of photo albums on the coffee table.  A bottle of vodka--with only a drink or two gone--and an empty glass sat beside the albums.  "It's not your fault," she said.

Katherine motioned for her to sit as she picked another glass of the bar.  "Yes, it is.  I didn't expect it, but it is my fault.  I should have warned you, but I didn't have the courage to talk about--about Carl."

She poured them both a glass of Vodka.  Amanda almost declined, but found herself reaching for it.  The boys would not be home tonight.  Joe had agreed to keep them, and Lee knew where she was.  There was little chance that Dotty would try to contact her.  The fiery liquid burned her throat.  "Smooth," she said, slightly chocking.

Katherine laughed, sitting down on the couch.  "That's one of describing it."

"You are not really thinking about another assignment overseas are you?"  Even though Katherine's arrival had revealed that her life had been a lie since before she had been born, Amanda wanted her to stay in DC.

Katherine swished the clear liquid around in her glass, watching it as it slide up the edge of the glass.  "Yes, Amanda, I am."  She looked at the quiet woman sitting across from her.  "I'm sorry.  I should have never come back."

While Amanda did not agree, she decided not to fight with her tonight.  "Why did you come back?"

Katherine smiled.  "Honestly?  I'm not sure."  Her gaze rested on the photo albums before her.  "After you've been in this business so long, you get to be so good at the lying that you can even fake yourself out.  Do you know what I mean?"

Amanda nodded, remembering all the times recently where she told herself that she was not scared.  Sometimes, not often, she believed it.  Lee had faked himself out for years, believing he did not care about anyone, that he did not want to care about anyone.

Katherine finished the vodka in her glass, and poured herself another one.  She held out the bottle, silently offering to pour Amanda more, but she shook her head no.  She wanted a clear head; she wanted answers to question she still did not know.

"Me, I told myself that death was something was just a part of this business.  Lied and said I was used to it."  She looked down into the liquid as if it were a crystal ball waiting to give her the answers.  "You don't get used to it.  Never."

Amanda remembered the sick horror she had felt when a waitress had died before her eyes.  She experienced that same horror every time someone died.  Even as her heart ached for people she barely knew, or maybe had never even met, she was glad that she cared.  She wanted to care.  The minute she stopped, she would quit the Agency.

"He had started talking about retiring, settling down.  I'd laugh, even though I knew he was serious.  We had been partners for over a decade, but the thought of him leaving scared me."  

Amanda could see the tears glistening in Katherine's eyes.  Even though she did not know whom Katherine was talking about, she knew he was dead.  "You were lovers?"

Katherine wiped her face before she looked back up at Amanda.  "No," she said, a smile on his face.  "We were friends, best friends.  He knew my heart had been stolen long before he met me.  The bastard left me a note telling me that he loved me, but he never had the courage to tell me while he was alive, to fight for me."

Amanda finished her drink and poured herself another glass.  "You love someone else?"

Silence filled the room as Katherine stared out the window.  Vodka splashed out onto the coffee table when she poured herself another glass.  "Yes, I do.  After Ramón died, after I got done crying for him, I told myself that I was long over my past infatuation, that I could come back and just enjoy my family without worrying what he would think or how it would feel to see him again."

Looking down at the photo album, Amanda noticed a wedding picture she had not seen before.  It was of Katherine and Doctor Smyth.  There was a softness in Doctor Smyth's eyes that Amanda had never seen, and Katherine's face beamed with joy.  "You and Doctor Smyth?"

Katherine giggled at the disbelief in Amanda's voice.  "Yes, Austin.  He's really charming, Amanda, when he's not trying to play the iceman.  He used to never play the iceman.  That part of him didn't exist until Carl died.  After Carl died, he would not let him self care for the younger agents.  He didn't want to be their friends, because it hurt too much to lose them."

She wiped away more tears.  "I'm sorry, Amanda.  You are finding out all my secrets tonight.  I'm a weepy drunk."

Amanda pulled the photo album off the table and onto her lap.  She traced over the picture of Doctor Smyth.  "I've seen him thaw some since I found out about who he is, but I can't picture him as charming."

"I know you can't, Amanda, and that's a real shame."  Katherine stood on wobbly legs and walked over to her desk drawer.  She brought back a picture encased in a beautiful pewter frame.  "Here's our engagement picture.  We took it the day before--"

Amanda took the picture from her aunt's hands.  The photograph had been handled many times before being put into the frame.  The wear it had endured over the years was obvious.  The love and joy of the two people--much older than they had been at the wedding--captured by the camera was just as obvious.  "You were married?"

Katherine shook her head, falling back onto the couch.  "No, just engaged.  That photo never even made it into the papers.  I'd chased after the man for years.  I would look elsewhere, but I always wanted him.  No one else could compare for me, but he only saw me as Carl's little sister.  As horrible as it sounds, I joined the Agency to just be with him.  He was furious that Harry had--" She sighed.  "That's another story altogether."

"We were only a few months from the wedding.  You were supposed to meet him that night at dinner.  Or re-meet him, I guess I should say.  To this day, I don't know what happened," Katherine whispered.

"What do you mean?"  Amanda's heart beat so loudly, she was sure Katherine could hear it.

Her aunt guzzled down the remainder of her glass.  "I watched him stand before our families and lie to them.  I understood why Carl had 'died' in a car accident, but I didn't understand the fury Dotty had, or the reason why he told everyone he had been driving the car.  That he was responsible for Carl's death.  Then, he told everyone that I had broken off our engagement, because I could not marry the man who killed my brother.  He didn't even give me a chance to protest.  He turned and walked away."

The tears rained down.  "I'm sorry," she muttered, grabbing some tissue from a nearby box.  "I'm not usually a cry baby."

"Aunt Katherine, I--"

She shook her head, stopping Amanda from admitting about what she had discovered earlier.  "He stopped by an hour ago to tell me about your visit, and Julia's 'betrayal'.  I had been begging him to tell you, thinking that maybe it would help heal your relationship with Dotty.  He told me that I did not know everything, and should keep my nose from butting where it was not welcome."

"He can be a jerk, too."

Katherine laughed as she cried.  "Yes, he can.  I know what you found today, and I suspect that it is not the whole story.  But I don't know the whole story.  I would 'betray' him, too, and tell you if I did."

Amanda drained the last sip of vodka from the glass before sitting down on the table.  "There seems to be only one other person I can ask."

"Dotty."  Katherine hiccupped.

Amanda sat down her glass, her decision made.  "Yes, I'm going to have to ask my mother why she is so angry, since my dear uncle is not going to tell me."  

***


	12. Chapter 12

Looking around, Amanda reluctantly admitted that it was a nice apartment building.  No cracks in the walls, no graffiti, no signs of rodents.  She had been hoping for a dump, so she could play her mother and force Dotty to move back home.  After all, Dotty had not let Amanda live in that one apartment when she had been college student.

The knock at the door was muted by the sound of her own heart pounding.  She glanced down at the paper, double-checking that she was at the right apartment, although she knew she was.

Dotty finally opened the door.  Her hands shook nervously, but she smiled when she saw Amanda.  Both women stood at the door, afraid to say anything.  "It's time for us to talk, don't you think?" Amanda finally found the courage to say.  Dotty closed her eyes and nodded.

***

Ruby red liquid poured into the glasses.  Amanda accepted the glass from her mother, glad it was not vodka again.  She could still taste the harsh liquid on her tongue.

Amanda sat nervously, waiting for Dotty to say something.  She wanted to know why Dotty had reacted so strongly to the news.  At the same time, she wanted to run away and pretend it had never happened.  She would not admit to anyone, even herself, how afraid she had been that Dotty would slam the door in her face.

"Austin called earlier," Dotty finally said.  She leaned back into her couch.  "He said that he and some of the other higher ups had a meeting with you all today."

Amanda nodded, not wanting to remember the earlier scene in Billy's office.  "Yeah, they did.  Doctor Smyth was not too happy with us, but they aren't going to do anything to us--except separate us."  She whispered the last three words.  She was not even sure she wanted to work at the Agency without Lee by her side.  The excitement was great, but Lee was better.

Dotty sighed, and then took a drink of her wine. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. Knowing Austin, and from what I hear about your success rate together, it's just a technicality." 

Amanda's eyebrow shot up as she looked at her mother. "What do you mean?" 

Dotty smiled, but the vacant look in her eyes let Amanda know that her mother was visiting a different time and place in her mind. "Austin would never 'let' Carl and I be partners either. We were never assigned to anyone else--I wasn't technically assigned to anyone, but you know what that's like. We worked together like partners, just without the Agency's 'official' stamp of approval."

Amanda recalled Doctor Smyth's earlier words:  "You and Scarecrow will be assigned to the Q-bureau, Mrs. King, until such time that we can find you both new partners." They had been devastated by the idea, but it made her think that maybe Dotty was right. The time frame had been vague at best, and usually when Doctor Smyth made a decision he wanted immediate results. She would talk about it with Lee later. Right now, she wanted to talk with her Mother about their resent fighting. 

"Mother, I want to talk about Daddy." Amanda started at hearing that word all off her lips; she had not called him that since she had been a very small girl.

Dotty flinched.  Draining her glass, she reached for the wine bottle on the coffee table.  She leaned back after pouring another drink.  "What is there to talk about, Amanda?  He was an agent, and he died out in the field."

Fear came back to haunt Amanda.  "D-do you blame me?"

Dotty started at the question.  Putting the glass down with a decisive snap, she grabbed her daughter and hugged her close.  "Oh, no, never!  My baby girl, I could never blame you."

Dotty pulled away, her shoulders dropped in defeat.  Getting up, she grabbed her glass and walked over to the window.  "I could never blame you, because it was all my fault," she whispered.  "I never wanted you to know that I was responsible for Carl's death."  She began crying, as Amanda remained frozen to the couch.

"The reports said the Soviet agent was trying to kill me--"

Dotty nodded as she used the back of her hand to wipe away her tears.  Her makeup began to smear, making her look like a child who had gotten into her mother's makeup to play.  "He was, but not because of you, or your father, but because of me."

Silence reigned after Dotty's sobs stopped.  Amanda watched from her seat as Dotty gulped down her wine.  "Do you know what a Peacock Dance is, Amanda?"

She remembered sitting in Lee's car, listening to the man with whom she had just started dating, making out with a Russian agent.  She swallowed hard, her stomach rolling in protest.  She had never considered the possibility that her father might have played the field that way.  "Yes, I do."

Her mother turned to look at her, a sad smile of understanding on her lips.  "I never wanted you to be a spy.  I never wanted you to have to face the danger or the choices we faced."  Her laugh was dry.  "I never wanted you to know what we did for our country.  I think you know what I mean."

Amanda remembered Doctor Smyth's earlier words.  Did she want Philip and Jamie to know what she had done for the Agency?  She nodded.

"I was sick for days the first time I shot a man; he did not even die.  Just a flesh wound, but I couldn't believe that _I _did it," Dotty said, looking back out the window again.  "I read that you had never faced that, and I hope you never have to either."

It was Amanda's biggest fear, and she knew that it was Lee's, too.  He was afraid, when push came to shove, she would be unable to kill someone, even to save her own life.  "No, I haven't."

"The Peacock Dance--somehow I never heard of it until--When I learned that you father had--Oh, he hadn't--I just hated the idea of him even holding and kissing another woman, even if he had never been to her bed," she spat.  

Amanda understood the feeling.  "Lee did all the dancing," she had snapped to Billy after a night of listening to Lee flirting with and kissing Sonja.  She nodded, even though Dotty could not see the unspoken show of support.

Dotty turned to face her, her fist clenched tightly next to her thigh.  Amanda hoped she would not break the wineglass clasped in her hand.  "I was so angry at him.  When I ran into Alexi at the grocery store, I was still shaking at the idea.  I recognized Alexi immediately.  We had been debriefed that morning about him, right before I found about your father's _date_ the previous evening."

Dotty began to pace.  Her eyes were blank, her mind somewhere else, lost in an event that happened almost twenty years ago.  "I was only going to follow him, but it had never been one of my strengths."  She smiled, even though her lips remained white.  "I bumped into him instead!  I was embarrassed, but he found me charming.  He asked me out to dinner.  I opened my mouth to say 'no', but found myself saying 'yes' when I thought about your father and that woman . . . "

Amanda looked down at her own hands, which were locked tightly together.  "So, you said yes," she promoted when her mother remained silent.

Dotty stopped pacing, and her eyes focused on Amanda.  "I said 'yes', and I ran to tell your father.  Carl was furious, but--Austin thought it was a great idea.  So, I went."  She shrugged.  "Alexi was the perfect gentleman.  He only kissed my hand, but I felt so dirty.  I think I washed my hands for almost a half hour that night."  She looked down at her hands as if she still hated them for her betrayal.

Dotty shook as she told the rest of the story.  "That life went on for a couple of months, and we managed to infiltrate several of the Soviet spy rings.  I hated seeing the pain on Carl's face, but Austin kept pleading with me to stay in the roll.  He got his big promotion, and--I couldn't take it anymore.  Austin had what he wanted, so I ended it one night.  I messed that assignment up badly, because I told him too much truth.  I told him that I was really married, that I had thought I wanted the excitement of an affair, but I knew I couldn't really do it.  I even told him that I had a daughter, and where you were going to school."

Amanda's legs finally let her move.  She got up from the couch, her arms aching to hold her mother close.

Dotty backed away, leaning against the window behind her.  She held out her hand, shaking her head.  "Your father," she said, using her hand to emphasize her point.  "Your father did not die because that man was a spy!  He died because--he died because Alexi was obsessed with me!  He wanted to hurt me, so he tried to kill you.  I don't know how Carl even found about his plan; I was too angry with Austin to even look at him.  I blamed him for a long, long time.  If Carl hadn't found out, you--" Dotty broke down, sobbing.  Amanda reached forward, holding her mother close as she cried.

***


	13. Chapter 13

Her mother's voice broke them apart.  Even after living together for months, they felt like school children when Dotty or the boys caught them necking.  Dotty's words held a note of laughter.  "The boys and I are taking a break.  We are going out to get some lunch.  Burger and fries sound all right?"

They both nodded, their cheeks red.  When Lee opened his mouth to tell Dotty what he wanted on his, she held up her hand and shook her head.  "You've been a part of this family long enough, Lee Stetson, for me to know what you want on a burger!"  Laughing, she went back into the living room.  Amanda giggled at the stunned expression on his face.  The man was only now becoming used to being a part of a family.

Since their "wedding" last fall, Amanda had started to regret their decision to have a secret marriage.  Watching her husband interact with her boys as stepfather instead of Mom's friend had been an eye opener to her.  She realized that Lee had made the greatest sacrifice in keeping their marriage secret.  By allowing her fear of change to prevent her from marrying Lee in the open, she denied him a lot.  She kept her family and the Agency, along with the thrill of romance.  Lee, alone for most of life, had been able to spend a few stolen moments with her as his wife.  Life after "I do" remained much the same for him.

From the kitchen window, Lee watched their family get into Dotty's brand new Corvette--after driving Lee's once, she had been hooked.  "Jamie had another nightmare last night, didn't he?"  It sounded more like a statement than a question, but Amanda nodded anyway, wondering how he knew.  "I can always tell.  He has this haunted look in his eyes the next day."

Sighing heavily, she leaned her head on his shoulder.  Telling the boys had been one of the hardest things she had ever done.  It had taken her months to gather up the courage to follow through with her decision.  Even now, she could not decide if it had been the right thing to do.

Philip, the one she had expected the least trouble with, had gotten up and walked out of the room when they finished talking that day.  He did not say a word to her for almost a week.  Finally, Dotty had taken him out for a milk shake and a talk.  Whatever had been said between the two had helped him deal with his anger, but he never discussed her job with her.  Lee told her once that Philip asked him the occasional question, but he never shared what they were with her.

Jamie had been a mass of contradictions since he had been told the truth.  He found it cool that his mom was a spy, but he was also plagued by the occasional nightmare, terrified that she would be killed.  Last night, for the first time, Lee had been included in the grisly images of his subconscious.  Knowing that Lee meant to hang around had helped Jamie lower some of his barriers.  The two had been growing closer ever since Lee had moved in after their public wedding.

Amanda leaned up to give her husband a kiss.  The phone rang just before their lips met.  Lee groaned and Amanda laughed.  "I swear, we can do without a telephone," he growled as she reached for the receiver.

"Hello, Mandy," her uncle's voice greeted her.  As usually, Amanda had mixed impulses hearing his voice.  She wanted to toss down the receiver, and she wanted to talk to him.  "I won't be keeping you long, but I wanted to make a suggestion.  I saw Scarecrow earlier, and he mentioned Jamie's nightmares becoming more frequent."

Amanda looked at her husband.  He knew whom she was talking to just from the way she stood.  She did not bother to fuss at Lee for sharing a part of their life with Doctor Smyth.  She had watched their odd relationship grow over the last year.  Doctor Smyth had been rebuilding his relationship with Dotty, and who knew where his relationship with Katherine was at the moment, but Lee gave him a way of being a part of the family.  Lee was acting as the bridge between Amanda and her uncle.

"Yes, they have," she said, not wanting to share her life, but struggling to build some kind of relationship with a man who was not only related to her, but a friend to her family.

"Stress at home makes for dull agents," he quipped.

Amanda's spin stiffened.  "I'm perfectly capable--"

"I know you are, Mrs. King," he snapped, "but in this business losing focus you can mean that--"

"You are dead," she finished, knowing the truth of that statement.  Burnout in their line of work was a frequent ailment, and all too often it ended in death.  Sometimes suicide, but usually one slip ended the agent's life.  Less stress at home helped agents keep their balance at work.  A happy home life had been declared the best preventive remedy for burnout by a study that had cost the Agency several thousands of dollars.  Amanda had told Lee she could have given the same advice for a lot less money.

He exhaled, and Amanda could see him in her mind, surrounded by a haze of smoke.  To her, he was always lost in the haze.  Cold one minute.  Hot the next.  She never understood him, could never see the man that Katherine loved or that her father considered his best friend.  She tried to see past the haze, but it felt as if he kept blowing smoke, trying to dim her view.

"I'm sorry, Mandy, I did not call to start a fight.  I only wanted to offer the Agency's services in helping Jamie.  Our psychologists are some of the best in the world, as you know.  You've seen how much they have helped Dotty this past year deal with Carl's death."

She nodded, even though he could not see her.  They had helped Dotty deal with the anger and the guilt.  Amanda watched her mother bloom this last year as she finally left the past where it should be--in the past.  While she still tried new things, she no longer raced from one to another.  She no longer suffered from any headaches, and she cheerfully made left turns.

She had even gone back to working at the Agency, in a very limited capacity, acting as Mrs. Marsden's substitute.  Doctor Smyth, wearing one of his rare smiles, told Amanda that Dotty's aim was much better.

"I'll discuss it with him tonight," she answered, refusing to make the choice for him.

"Very well, then.  Dotty knows how to contact me," he informed her.  The voice on the other end was the familiar sound of the cold, arrogant boss she had first met long ago.  The smoky haze surrounded him again.  Amanda sighed as she hung up the phone.  She doubted that she would ever understand that man.

***

Lee wished he could wipe away the confusion from Amanda's eyes.  He had watched from a distance as Amanda tried to sort out her conflicting emotions about Doctor Smyth.  The man was related to her, was loved by people she loved and respected, but he continued to play the game of hot and cold with her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"  Lee asked as she hung up the receiver.

Amanda considered it before shaking her head.  "Not really.  He offered the Agency's psychology services for Jamie."

Lee's eyebrow lifted, but he made no move to hold her.  "Really?  What do you think about that?"

Laughing, she turned to look at her husband.  "Don't play shrink, Lee."

Leaning back against the sink, he looked at his feet.  "I'm sorry."

Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him.  "No, I'm sorry.  I think we should talk about with Jamie later."  She pulled away from him.  "And I think we should begin cleaning the attic before it gets too dark."

"Attic?  Uh, don't you and Dotty handle that?"

She picked up a piece paper lying on the counter.  She pointed their names written in ink next to the word "attic".  "Not this year.  Mother refuses to even look at the 'mess' up there.  She volunteered to do the bathroom, so we get the attic."  She smiled at the mild panic on his face.  "Oh, come on.  We'll have fun.  Just think--we will finally get to go through all those boxes you stuffed up there."

Lee thought of all the years of memories--or junk, as Amanda would say--in those boxes.  It would take hours to go through them, not to mention the dusting!  The air did not even move up there.  He could not think of a worse job.  Amanda was already strolling towards the stairs.  "Have you got any deep, dark secrets hidden up there, Scarecrow?  Some indiscrete box of photos perhaps?"

No, he did not have any--the photos from Milan!  He had decided to keep them as potential blackmail material against his fellow agents, but now that he was married himself, the pictures could embarrass him.  "Amanda--" he began to offer to handle the attic all by himself.  Maybe he could tell her it would be good practice for him or something.

Amanda shook her head.  With a giggle, she started running up the staircase.  He rushed after, calling, "Amanda, it's dangerous to look at someone else's photos!"

THE END

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes:  I had this idea in my head the first time I saw the episode where Amanda gave Smyth a peck on the cheek (Santa's Got a Brand New Bag?).  That was during the original CBS run of the show!  It played around in my mind for years until I finally I had to put it down on paper. :) "Family Secrets" is the result of that 13 year-old's silly thought so long ago.  "Wouldn't it be really cool if Doctor Smyth was really Amanda's uncle, and she didn't know it?"


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